I blamed myself too, he murmurs, and her gaze rises from his shoulder back to his face. I couldn't protect you from them. She wanted to deny his claim, if only to soothe the ego that lurked beneath, but she remained quiet. The truth was that he couldn't. Ailill couldn't. Faolain couldn't. It had taken time for Siobhan to separate the couldn'ts from the characters, but she'd had years to mull over those scenarios.

It was never really the couldn'ts that hurt. It was the wouldn'ts that mattered, perceived or real. The moments when she thought that he would step in on her behalf, but he did not. Even when those dark moments were largely eclipsed by his sacrifice in the Arch, she found it hard to forget the soul-crushing sorrow of her first imprisonment in the Inlet at the hands of his then-queen Nyimara.

So she remains quiet, and simply lets the moment go. Arguing over intent would not change what had happened, and she had already decided to forgive him for it.

Siobhan isn't sure how to interpret his sigh as he begins to answer her question, and she finds her gaze drifting away from him. Somehow, despite how much she wanted Tigerlily and Bjorn to be happy together, hearing about how great their connection was did not soothe her heart. Each new granule of understanding was bittersweet, and she forced her breathing to remain steady.

She could have argued against his logic, pointed out the fact that Tigerlily had been absent for the entire time Siobhan had lived in the Ridge and for the entire time Nyimara had bamboozled him. That she had had no part in his selfless sacrifice to save her. That Tigerlily was good, yes, but so was he, beneath it all.

But she didn't.

If believing that Tigerlily was his hero helped him to be a better stallion, a better father, a better friend to her, then she would remain silent on the subject, even if it hurt.

So she nods, her lips forcing themselves into a brief smile that faded in the ensuing silence. If she kept telling herself how happy she was that Tigerlily and Bjorn had each other, she hoped that it would eventually ring true. That it would eventually lose the envious undertones she was trying so hard to suppress. They both deserved that much from her, all things considered.

The sound of her name on his lips draws her gaze back to his and she waits, breath held and heart thrumming nervously. When he speaks again, she can feel the worry reshaping the planes of her face: drawing her brows together and the edges of her pale lips down. Was she hurting him worse by keeping him at a distance? Or was it, as she believed, better for all three of them if she kept this neutral masquerade going?

The last thing she wanted to do was to drive a wedge between the Inlet monarchs. She didn't need to be their third wheel any more than she already was, especially now that she understood herself better. No matter how much she loved Bjorn, and she did very much love Bjorn, a part of her would always love Ailill too. And while she had once convinced herself that she could love just one of them, be faithful to just one of them, crave the touch of just one of them... she knew better now.

There would always be nights where she would awake with Ailill's name on her lips, where her skin craved the touch of his and where her heart cried out just to hear his voice one more time. She could not be with just one of them. And while yes, in Ailill's absence she was by default being alone with Bjorn, it didn't change her underlying problem.

"I've... hurt you enough," she begins slowly after a moment, the words spoken through a throat so tight that the syllables are barely audible. You deserve someone better, someone like Tigerlily, she thinks, but does not say. She doesn't want to argue with him, no now. "I don't want to come between the two of you."

Siobhan thought she knew Bjorn's queen well enough to know that she would protest this thought, but Siobhan also knew that jealousy was very rarely rational. The friendship she shared with Tigerlily was precious to her, and she did not wish to see it ruined. Love was beautiful, but it was also cruel. In loving Siobhan, Bjorn had alienated Nyimara and set off a chain of events that had nearly ended the red mare's life. In loving Ailill, Siobhan had alienated Bjorn and fractured what had already begun to splinter. Not only this, but Siobhan's choice had opened a rift between herself and her friend Ysabel that remained to this day.

Love was dangerous, and if she were being honest with herself, Siobhan had taken more risks in this regard than she deserved. If she had to compare herself to Tigerlily, she knew who was better for Bjorn in the end.

"I've had my share of happiness," she murmured through tears that gathered but did not fall. Gently, carefully, tenderly, she stretched forward to touch her muzzle briefly against his shoulder, hoping that she was conveying how much she cared for him by not claiming him now. "It's only fair that you both have a chance too."