Meadow

Force-claiming is not allowed here. This is a peaceful, neutral area meant for socialising.

i can hardly breathe ;; Ge�ersiz
Posted on September 3, 2022 at 07:54:27 AM by SHENZI

can't you see? can't you see?(cw for brief mentions of stillbirths)

What had she done?

What had she done?

She drifted through the Meadow like a ghost, in search of one who could help her. But would he even want to, if he knew the truth? When he�d confessed to having known of the death of his parents, it had almost broken her heart. (What would it have done to her, if he�d have told her he�d been there, had seen it happen?) And the guilt had pickled at the back of her mind, then - the father of her only surviving son was the monster that had made Ge�ersiz an orphan�

Where do you live now?

Nowhere, Shenzi had replied. (And the memory of seeking out that shadow-figure in the Desert, with nothing to give but an echo - �I�m no-one. I�m nothing.') And how deeply that truth sank into her bones now. She was� What was she? Not really a mother, not to Azizi anyway� She was� �You are not the woman I know� You are weaker than I thought, Shenzi� You� You have no heart...�

And she had nothing, nothing. Except for the life growing in her belly.

And perhaps not even that.

Exhausted, she stumbled over a clump of grass, and caught herself just in time. It would hardly be good form to show up on the healer�s doorstep wounded again. �What happened this time?� he�d ask, maybe. And the answer? �I fell apart.� How sad it would seem. The first, a wild cat she�d fought to keep alive. The second, such a small, superficial wound, in all appearances, inflicted by her son out of bitterness and contention. A grazed knee, self-inflicted by a lack of attention� That would be laughable.

No, no, she had to hold herself together. It was hard, given that she�d been torn to shreds by the only one she�d had in her corner for so long. And for what? Because Nyimara didn�t see her the way she wanted to be seen? Because she wanted more than Nyimara was capable of giving? At least she�d had someone, who wanted something from her. Her own child wanted nothing. And Rehoboam�

Shenzi wasn�t sure what to think, or feel, about him. Perhaps she�d seriously misjudged him. But, it didn�t matter, anyway. She couldn�t� She couldn�t go back. Rehoboam was all Azizi really had, and Shenzi couldn�t take that away from him. Couldn�t leave him with with nothing, feeling like no-one.

"Ge�ersiz," the name was a whisper under her breath, and she cast about in the gloom of dusk for the shadow-figure that had helped save her life, when he was just a boy. "Ge�ersiz, please," she murmured weakly. Eyes half-closed, she looked for the coming of the night, praying with the scrap of faith that somehow still remained in her that she might get some rest. Not for her own sake, but for the child who was still with her, still alive. For now.

(But maybe for not much longer.)

Sorrow rose from the depths of her, burning in her throat. Two. Two sons she�d lost, before Azizi. Before they�d ever had a chance. (And even then, she�d lost Azizi too.) She couldn�t� She couldn�t lose anymore.

"I� I need your help."

shenzi seal brown barb mare of nowhere

love, dante & almatea-art

Replies:

fear not the darkness: fear not the darkness: it is only me - By Ge�ersiz September 3, 2022 at 06:51:52 PM
- how hard i tried to breathe - By SHENZI September 4, 2022 at 01:00:02 PM
  - fear not the darkness: fear not the darkness: it is only me - By Ge�ersiz September 7, 2022 at 07:04:20 AM
    - how hard i tried to breathe - By SHENZI September 18, 2022 at 12:13:15 PM

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