If it were any other horse in the Bay herd to intrude on her quiet moment, Charmeine would have found a way to excuse herself, kept her emotions stuffed down and made her way back to where her mother and sister were sleeping. But when she turned her attention to see Khoshekh as the one approaching she didn’t feel the need to flee. Her heartbeat seemed to quicken, though, as it often did these days when she glanced over her best friend. He was growing into his maturity, just as she was, and he was… handsome. There were moments Charmeine daydreamed of pressing her skin to his, in a far more intimate way than they had ever touched one another. These thoughts always made her feel excited, and nervous, but eventually they led to shame.
In her mind, Khoshekh would never look at her romantically. They had been incredibly close their entire life and he was one of the most important individuals she knew. The idea of losing Khoshekh because she was foolish enough to tell him she felt her feelings were developing deeper than friendship was unacceptable. Despite the budding pain in her chest, and the fact that this issue was one piece of the puzzle causing her current anguish, Charmeine knew it was unsolvable.
I’m sorry, he spoke into the lightly illuminated space between them, and Charmeine felt another sudden rush of tears spring back to the surface. She only swallowed and nodded, turning her face away from him again. Her pale ears flicked outward and again, she felt stupid. Khoshekh shouldn’t have to stand here and comfort her when she wasn’t being truthful to him any more. What’s wrong?
Initially, Charmeine shook her head and stayed quiet. She didn’t trust herself to speak without her voice shaking. But, despite her certainty that she could keep her emotions and woes at bay, even from the concern of her best friend, she still ended up sighing and shaking her head, then lifting her sad eyes to look up at him. How she ached; especially now, alone with him beneath the moonlight, beside the creek, filled to the brim with sorrows. All Charmeine wanted to do was wordlessly stumble into him, and a part of her knew he would hold on to her without question, but she couldn’t do it. She would be clinging to him for all the wrong reasons, not because he was her friend.
“I’m a coward, Kho.” She said finally, her voice small and sad as she felt. Her eyes filled with tears and he blurred momentarily in front of her before she blinked them away. Admitting the truth, speaking what she’d already known into the space between them, heightened the shame she felt over them. “I’m scared of everything.”
Of leaving the Bay. Of the ocean. Of the other islands. Of strangers who weren’t a part of their Bay herd. Of being in love with him and losing his friendship because she couldn’t keep her damned heart in line.
“I just wish I could be braver,” she swung her head away from him so she could look at the creek again, and sighed. “It’s embarrassing.”
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