Splitting from Khan had never been a notion Jasper had entertained. The more days that passed since he had left Luthien to accompany Khan to Salem, the more he realized his home was no longer a place. His home was Khan. Jasper had not anticipated it would happen, but maybe he should have, considering how closely he bonded to the lithe, golden desert boy. The night’s they tucked in close were the night’s Jasper’s heart felt the fullest it ever was. Gone were all his doubts and lack of self-confidence that’d haunted him through his youth. Jasper didn’t have to worry about not being enough; Khan made sure he knew that he was enough.
But then, they had become separated. Strange currents and storms tore them apart, and though Jasper had searched desperately, he couldn’t find his closest companion; his love.
For whatever reason, even when he could not find him, Jasper had not let any anxiety take root to become panic. When he looked up at the stars and closed his eyes, he made a promise that he would find Khan again. In his heart he knew that although they had been separated, Khan was still out there. The fracture through him would be catastrophic if Khan was gone and, because he was still walking, because it didn’t feel as though his heart shattered into a million pieces, Jasper knew his companion was out there waiting for him.
It took him some time to retrace his own steps to make way back to the islands and, when he washed ashore on Crossing Isle, he’d intended to sleep for the evening and then make his way to Salem the next morning. Surely the first place Khan would seek out upon his return to the islands would be the Badlands; if he was not there already, Jasper was certain it was where he would come back to. But his intention was derailed when a conversation with a passerby filled him in on drama that’d happened with his father and family. Zevulun had disappeared, thought to be dead, and lost the Prairie during his absence. Jasper had felt immediately sick with worry… and as the minutes ticked by, guilt had come creeping in.
Before he had left for the Badlands with Khan, he had been one of the Prairie guardians. It had always been his intention to return home at some point; he and Khan had talked of their future, where they’d spend some seasons among his home in the desert, then the others back in Luthien. They’d never actually gone back, though it was no one’s fault that they hadn’t. Jasper had enjoyed his time in the Badlands with Khan and become… complacent. In his mind his father was invincible; he’d never actually needed Jasper as a guardian, after all. But now he'd learned his father lost the Prairie, and he knew he had to put aside his personal needs to return to his family.
The next morning rather than making for Salem, Jasper swam for Luthien. His heart pounded hard and fast in his chest, making him feel sick as he climbed ashore. The land looked the same. Jasper was sure if he closed his eyes and reopened them, he would see his father bucking and crow-hopping about, playing with whatever gaggle of younglings had been born the past spring. But despite the Prairie looking much the same, the scents were different; his fathers was faint, all but gone. Jasper’s eyes filled with tears (which he immediately felt foolish for; Miriella had always bullied him for being too soft) and it was then that everything came crashing down on him.
Losing Khan. His father losing the Prairie. Not being here when it had happened and the guilt that accompanied it.
Jasper’s white knees trembled, then buckled and he crashed down into the coarse sand, a sob escaping his throat. The tears came unbidden; he was powerless to stop the sorrow he was stuck in.
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