Though it had settled and the pair had agreed, Zevulun still felt a great, big, lingering something in the air between them. Or, maybe it was something he was creating in his head, a projection so his own brief, fleeting thoughts would be so horrible, so sick. Zevulun had love, (did love?) Riesling, Daire’s daughter by blood. That alone would be wrong enough for him to have any particular romantic pull toward Daire, but the truth of the relationship Daire had with Riesling in raising her made him even more of a monster for ever feeling it.

It was a dangerous, horrible path to travel down, even more now that Riesling had spoken her mind about her feelings toward him, but standing there in the quiet, just the pair of them, Zevulun accepted a damning truth. If it had been Daire he had met before Riesling, they would have surely fallen in love. There were similarities in their souls that he and Riesling would never and could never share; regrets and sorrows, and a desire to do better for their future children as some hope of repentance for the trouble they’d caused. Abandonment as a filly had turned Riesling into a fierce fighter; a survivor. For him? It had made him seek love with a desperate need and foolishly, too. Zevulun had always known Riesling was too good for him; combined with everything she had pointed out and standing here, now, accepting this truth… he felt it was confirmed.

Swallowing down the heavy feeling that’d begun to constrict his throat, Zevulun pushed the thoughts away as he glanced away from Daire and off toward the wide open sky.

“It took me a while to love the Prairie,” he said suddenly, but with a quiet and thoughtful tone, not sure why he was sharing this with Daire - maybe it was just an excuse to stay with her; maybe he was too afraid to be alone at that moment. “I don’t think I really did until after Balor passed and I had to lead the Prairie by myself. I miss Tinuvel sometimes still, I think I always will, it’s in my blood, but I’ve become too protective of the peace I’ve fostered here. I can’t…” he trailed off and his eyes dropped down from the sky above, voice suddenly hoarse and tight with emotion before he managed to finish, “I can’t fail you all again. I can’t fail you like I failed…”

Riesling.

The quiet said the name he could not. Zevulun closed his eyes and felt shame wash over him, head now hanging somewhat lower. Daire shouldn’t have to see him like this, it wasn’t fair to her. She shouldn’t need to shoulder the burden of his emotional woes. He should have parted ways with her the moment the decision fell to let her stay… should have said his goodbye and kept his distance as much as possible; acted cordial and kind, but not overly familiar. There could be no room for moments of vulnerability, of any way to strengthen or even fracture whatever strange bond the pair of them managed to create when they were alone together. He knew better.

But he was a fool.

“Sorry,” He sucked in a breath and shook his head at himself, “It’s been an emotional…” He was going to say weeks following the split between he and Riesling, but the truth was he couldn’t remember a time in his life that wasn’t fraught with some type of emotional distress. He made a sound something like a humorless laugh, then sighed. “There’s been a lot going on and my head hasn’t had much of a chance to clear.” He explained, offering a slight smile as he glanced his blue eyes back toward her. “I don’t mean to put my emotional burdens on you, though. Feel free to tell me to get the hell out of here already.” That was more like him, a little stab of humor among the pain.