She regretted everything, from the first moment she had stepped foot in the Commons, to the series of bad decisions that had followed afterward. All of it had led to this monumentally uncomfortable moment and she hated that she could blame no one other than herself.
She had chosen this.
Her belly hung low and wide, laughably large on her small frame. The hollows above her hips had grown deeper the closer she got to the end of spring and the inevitable result of her foolish moment of weakness. Her face was equally as hagard, her lips permanently set into a firm, downward press and her brow forever furrowed.
Simply walking across the Meadow was exhausting, each step sapping at the small reserve of energy she managed to maintain. She resented this child, but felt guilty for doing so, which only increased the resentment and set the cycle into a never-ending repetition. There was no winning, just as much as there was no undoing what had been done.
When Roisin had approached Lir, it had been with the foolish thought that perhaps having a child - doing the sort of typical thing one expected of a mare - would help her settle into herd life and ease some of the discomfort she was feeling in the Prairie. That had a been a very poorly calculated mistake. Nearly the instant the deed was done, Roisin panicked. Not even Claret's steadying presence had been enough to keep her hooves on Luthien and she had set off for parts unknown the moment Lir disappeared from eyesight.
She felt guilty about that too, a little. Lir was kind. Tolerant. Gentle. Capable. The sort of stallion she should want for herself, and yet she felt nothing more than a level of apathy that was only a few steps above the hatred she held for the Lagoon. He deserved someone that wanted to be a part of her family, and she wished she could be that for him. Wished she could be something other than the broken girl she'd been her whole life.
'Be forewarned-' a masculine voice sounded from nearby, so close she started backward out of her reverie, anger snapping into place on her expression. I ain't looking for any company.
A chuff of irritated amusement slipped from her muzzle as she eyed the golden stallion with something akin to wary fear. At first glance, he looked so much like Cullen that it was hard to ignore the twisting fear that slithered through her belly, but the longer she stared, the more he became his own creature. There was a rugged handsomeness to his face that she could appreciate, combined with a grumpy exterior that oddly made her feel more at ease, as if her own discomfort had been shaped into an external form and laid out before her.
"That makes two of us." She said dryly, trying to ignore the way that she sounded out of breath simply from her journey across the Meadow. The late spring sun was almost hot on her back, and she longed for the cool breezes of the high mountains. But the Peak was not her home, and had not been for many years. Though she might find advice there, she doubted anyone would look warmly upon the failed Prime Minister returning with bad grace.
"And yet, here we both are in the place where horses come to converse. Strange, isn't it?" She wasn't entirely sure why she kept speaking or why she hadn't continued on her journey, other than that a part of her was lonely. She hadn't spoken to a single soul - avoiding conversation as if the simple act of being perceived might burn her to a crisp with shame - since leaving the Prairie. Now that she was speaking to someone, it was hard to pull away. She didn't really want to be alone, not now with the consequences of her late fall decision looming so close.
"Why aren't you at home?" He smells vaguely of Luthien, and with that realization came another swell of shame as she recognized she had no idea what was happening at home. Whether Lir still held the Prairie. Whether Claret still called it home. The last thought was painful to consider, and brought with it a desperate longing for her company that was hard to ignore. Shaking her head to clear it, she turned her bi-colored eyes to his face and settled to wait for his answer.
OOC: Slow aging Roisin so that Lochlan will be born this Spring. <3