I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING
It's Winter, and he wants to recoil into himself. It's Winter, and everything hurts.

It had been nearly three years. He had let it go, but he hadn't talked about it. He didn't want to talk about it. There wasn't much he wanted to talk about at all, these days. Cobryn was lost somewhere inside himself, trying to figure out how to exist properly again. Things to do with the whole Jaidah thing did run deep, but it wasn't his feelings for her that were any sort of bother now, no. Maybe it wasn't all gone, those feelings. Yet it wasn't strong, either. Mostly, there was an ample amount of disgust in his thoughts when it came to Jaidah. He'd rather not think about her at all if he could help it. Cobryn wanted to purge that particular wolf from his mind. She wasn't anything to him now, and he had realized too late that she shouldn't ever have been. And now? Now he just wanted to move on, pick up the remains of his life and go on. But part of him just wanted to dig deeper down into himself and never come out.

He had been doing a little too much of that for the past.... well, a long time. Cobryn needed to shake this off, because he knew it was affecting Enigma. It seemed to be wearing her down, and that Cobryn did not like. The fact that she was pulling him to a pack told him quite a few things. Perhaps she had enough. There was only two choices for him at this point; get over his issues and liven up, or cut ties and never return to bother Enigma again. Cobryn didn't even like to think of the last idea. The thought of losing Enigma was too much for him to handle. It caused panic attacks when it ran through his mind, and he did his best to hide such things. She did not need to see that. It was bad enough that she saw what he had become, what he'd let himself become. The attack had been long enough ago that his body was repaired as much as it could be -- there were days that his vision was blurred -- but it was in his mind that the most damage had been done. Mockingbird had tried to kill him, and that was something that really messed with Cobryn's mind. It hadn't been long after Jaidah had run off, and the trama had just piled up on him. He broke.

Enigma knows how he felt on imprints. She knew that he wanted the choice, he wanted to feel it, really feel it for himself instead of having fate bitch-slap him upside the head with something like that. In the back of his mind, no matter how deep the imprint if he aquired one; Cobryn would know what it was, and some part of him would feel empty because of it. He would still have the sense that it wasn't what he wanted. Just something put into place that doesn't mean anything on the deeper levels. What he feels for Enigma? That was real and deep, something that he did not want to let go of. He doubted that even an imprint could reak such a bond. He refused to believe it would have that kind of hold over him and how he felt. Cobryn did not want to be controlled, not by anything. And an imprint was just another form of control, in his opinion. Cobryn doesn't want to find his, and he had done his best to avoid it so far. Becoming a casanova all those times? Even when his heart wasn't exactly free? That had been the reason. To keep the chance of imprinting down and away from him. Doing anything else was a risk, though he'd done it before, to make Jaidah happy. Yet where had that led him?

He moves slowly behind Enigma, but he knows she's watching, making sure that he's there, and he is. Taking his time and trying his best to drag himself from the depths of his own mind for her sake. To be better for her, because she deserves it. She shouldn't have to deal with the shell of who he'd been. That wasn't fair to her, and thus he was shaking himself free. It wasn't something he could do quickly, but he was still working at it. He had been paying attention to her words, every detail that she gave to him about her day; trying to soak it all in. He knows that she's been looking for something in his gaze that hasn't been there, and for that he's sorry. It's a long process, shedding what has happened to him to get over it all. The day is coming, but it's not instant. It can't be. Though he does move into place beside Engima when she stops moving forward, pushing his nose into her fur in attempt to comfort the restlessness he can detect from her motions. He knows what he wants to be, what he wants them to be, but until he is whole again -- until he can be more of what he once was -- he doesn't let himself even think to ask. But he is Enigma's, in whatever that means, whatever she wants it to mean.

YOU'LL ONLY DIE A DREAM FORGOTTEN
ELEVEN | MALE | WANDERER | ENIGMA'S | IMPRINTLESS