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I’d moved my paws until they bled, I’d paced and paced outside the borders or Iromar until my own blood spattered the earth beneath the snow of my paws, staining the ice and snow, bleeding into the shards- yet I felt nothing, nothing at all except her fear and pain and anger. It bled into me, fuelling my own, creating a wildfire, a rage and anger and hate of proportions so horrific that indeed it would have been foolish for any creature, friend or foe to come upon me in those moments. I saw nothing, understood nothing save for the violation of my soul by those within the fog. I would kill them. Every single one of them, one at a time. I would never forget, I would never forgive, not for this, this is not within me. Hate like this will not fade. It cannot. I know in these moments what it is to be imprinted, to truly be imprinted and perhaps some part of myself resents her for it, for ever having walked away that day after I forbade it, yet it seems so trivial, so forgettable, so damn bloody foolish that it hardly matters. She is everything. My everything, now and forever. She is my weakness, my Achilles heel and my insides bleed without her. I can’t breathe. I don’t sleep. I don’t hear when Heyel speaks or Malina commands, I don’t notice Ava or wonder at Khaleesi or Lucid and their actions. Nothing matters. Nothing. My world does not move, does not exist without her. If this is what Isola feels each day, then she is stronger then I am, so much stronger. Isola is a true Angel on this earth if she can be as she is and not hate the ones who took Finley from her. Perhaps it is different for a female, perhaps my Stella does not feel as I do, yet I refuse to believe that. I can feel her heart beat. I can feel her fear and I can feel her....coming. I promised Meryl. I promised I would bring her back today.

My limbs moved without command, form rocketing across the snow, propelling my body through the spring air still frigid despite the change of seasons. How, what or why did not matter, wether Isola had secured her release or she had merely walked from within the darkness, her pelt damp and reeking of foulness I hardly cared as whines and whimpers fell from my lips like a child at the mere sight of her, my body and form near convulsing with my need to touch her, to seek her, to mend the rift torn thorough the very centre of me being as her muzzle buried itself in my fur and I all but fell against her, wrapping myself around her swollen form, holding her, holding her with everything I had and breathing her in. Boys don’t cry. That is what I told Meryl that day when the Diveen had bayed for blood. Boys don’t cry, but I think I did, I don’t remember. Her whines and whimpers melded with my own, I was to relieved to be angry, not at her, I’d never be angry at her again. She could mess my hair and ruin my den and tease my giant feet and it wouldn’t matter. It was not her fault, it would never be her fault and I would spend the rest of my life making it right, making them pay. There had been no reason, no need, no political advantage through her theft. Disgusting, foul, vile wretches had taken a pregnant female, so pregnant, so scared and terrified her, violated my soul for some- game. I was still clinging to her, holding her so tightly I was sure to cause her to burst yet my muscle would not release, my soul entangling itself with her own more firmly then ever before, solidifying anything that had not been made solid already, ears twisting as she spoke, hearing only her tones like a prayer to my ears yet not truly understanding them. Somehow, some part of them broke through, my form spinning away from her with violent rage, heckles rising like spikes in the air to face the direction she had come, her words misunderstood.

"Who is coming? Iromar? Let them damn come, let me rip their insides out and feed them back to them for what they’ve done. I will never forgive them, never, not for this....I....I’ll kill them here and now I.....oh."

The violet blue of my gaze slide back to her form, her pained expression, anger and rage turning to panic as I felt my gaze grow wide. Iromar wasn’t coming, that was not the ‘they’ she referred to. The puppies. My children. Oh hell. Oh hell. Calm, be clam. No time to be calm. The stress, it’s all the stress they’ve....broken her. It’s too soon. Is it? I tried to count, some illogical part of my mind attempting to remember that night in the rain all those months ago. It didn’t matter, we had to move and for the first time in days Iromar was forgotten as Andromeda pushed herself past me, moving in the direction of Diveen, my own long limbs moving to come to her side, to press against her and guide her home. I’d kept my promise to Meryl and for now that was enough, it would have to be, my mind could not fathom anything else as we moved back towards the pack land, my own gaze casting a single look behind. A few moments more and I would have been within the pack myself, a few moments more I could have well been dead the night my children were due to be born. I would have died to get to her, I could have taken it no longer and the realisation, with a mind now clear, is a shocking thing. She is everything. Forever and for always. It will only be her. Andro whined again, yet this was a cry a pain, one I couldn’t feel, even through the bond as my own heart rate increased and I pressed more firmly against her. What was I supposed to do? Heyel hadn’t included this in his in his stupid parenting lecture. Where was the bastard when you needed him? Healer, we needed a healer, Moth, Brooke, Zen, anyone. Was this normal? She whined once more, my own whine splitting the air in panic. I couldn’t help her, I couldn’t do anything, she was hurting. How far was the damn den?!

"Breathe just...just breathe. I...what do I do? What do I do?!"

Why was I asking her? That was hardly calming. I was supposed to be confident and calm and...manly. This was not manly. I paused, attempting to gather my thoughts, gather anything even akin to a thought really as she moved herself into the den, her voice lifting in pleasure at the sight of Meryl and indeed for a moment I half expected some form of praise for my den renovations, done in haste and anger as they were. I scowled as she continued talking to the boy. Fine. Ignore then den- what was I doing?! Who cared about the damn den?! I ducked within the space myself, pushing into the gloom as Andromeda began to settle herself, beginning Meryl to stay, my own panicked gaze flicking towards the boy. Stay? Shouldn’t he be running to get a healer? What use was he going to be? Probably not any more then I was in reality and yet once more my mind had become entangled. If she wanted to have the boy, let her, she could have anything she wanted. Was this normal? Should she be in so much pain? Sure comfort the puppy, don’t worry about me. My ears folded back agianst my skull, violet blue eyes wide with fear and apprehension. I wanted to be closer, wanted to hold her, yet instinct alone drew me back. This- wasn’t my place, this was not for males, this was not right, yet I couldn’t bring myself to stray further from the far side of the den, eyes straining in the gloom, heart pounding against my chest as I feel silent, for the first time in my life I was quite, staring silently. It was all I could do. Be there and nothing more. She spoke again, her words fractured and...lost. Who was Rosco? Starshade? The Litherum Alpha? My lips parted to answer before I stopped myself, as if my words would somehow only harm her further. There was nothing I could do, my form tense and tight as I sat waiting, waiting for the signal to breathe again or flee for a healer.

It never came, the first child born in such a rush of blood and pain that I felt my own head grow light. The blood. Oh no. No. It’s normally only my own blood that has this reaction, the sight of it turning my stomach and yet....this.....is my blood......my....son. I felt my gaze grow wide once more, jaws parting in a single look of shock and awe, my own faint-head forgotten as that realisation alone slipped in. I had a son. A son. A boy. Oh a boy! A bark of elation managed to erupt from my chest, deafening all inside the den as Andromeda moved to clean him and place him beside her as I lifted, ready to go to her....when she cried out again. More? There were more? Oh hell I hadn’t thought this through; I hadn’t considered this at all. Is this what Zeivah went through? With ALL FIVE of us? Why did she do it so many times? Why- I.....he was so perfect, so small. That was why. Because my newborn son was the greatest thing I had ever seen on my life, because I couldn’t stop looking at him, wanting to touch him and hold him and protect him. This perfect child, born from a soul-bond. Always, always meant to be and maybe our laws prevented it, maybe I had shamed my family but.....there was nothing about him, Starfall, that was wrong. The second one came faster, born in the same way, though this time, Stella did not turn, she tried and failed, weakness in her frame. I waited, waited for her to turn and move, to stroke the second puppy with her tongue as she had the first, yet she didn’t. Seconds moved by, precious seconds as I sat, dumbfounded, eyes flicking towards Meryl. She was breathing, that I could see, I could feel her life hum within myself....but the puppy......

Maybe it was wrong, maybe it wasn’t my place but I could wait no longer, it didn’t look like it could breathe, surely it needed to be treated as the first one. I moved, reaching for it, trying to move my teeth and tongue in the same manner, ripping him free, bringing him into the world where Andromeda could not, running my tongue up and down his little damp body, licking him with all the life I could muster until his limbs moved and kicked, until he cried out and struggled and my jaws closed around him, that boy of black and red and white, my second son and placed him beside his brother, against Andromeda’s side, watching until he nursed before I reached for my imprint, my mate, for there would never be another, licking at her forehead, trying to rouse her. This- wasn’t right.

"Andromeda? Stella?.......Stella? It’s a boy, another boy, don’t you want to see him? Please....please look at him. I thought we might call him Guardian, like you used to call me. Stella, please.....please say something. Meryl stay with her. Don’t you dare leave her."

My voice was calm this time, so calm as I turned, propelling myself back through the darkness, pushing myself up and out of the den to throw my head back to the sky and call with everything I had left for someone, anyone to come. She was alive, but she wasn’t right. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t lose her again.....only her. Forever her. I only prayed the healers would come.







AZRAEL

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"5 years ~ No Mate ~ Soul of Andromeda ~ Heyel x Zeivah ~ 41in 177lbs ~ Sire of Starfall & Guardian ~ Diveen "