I wear this crown of thorns, upon my liars chair
After so long of terrible screaming, Jaidah has fallen silent. Still as her memories crash and burn around her, as her mind attempts to wrap around the traumatic events of the past. Vaguely, she hears the words he speaks, hardly aware that he had moved closer in such a crawling manner. She is blinded and nearly deafened to the present, and she takes the longest time answering his question. Finally, she breathes visibly, as if waking from a long slumber. Was she sorry? Hell yes she was, but her mind wraps around this as much as steel bends. She knows what he is asking from her, she knows it as well as he does. And even though his voice is hollow he shoots a loaded question at her now. "I always will be sorry, my love. I am condemned to be such as this."
Her words are raw, filled with the ache to turn back time and startlingly full of genuine emotion. It will be her last display, and as she lays there in the dirt, dreaming consciously of the past, Jaidah does not move. Oh, if her enemies would find her now she would be dead. She would not fight them on it, she deserves no less. Nothing stirs her save for the breeze that roughs up her shedding fur. The life drains from her eyes, not the true life, but the emotional one. She becomes blank and unmoved, her emotional heart shutting down under the weight of guilt and longing. After she had searched for so long for the male that fit her best, having once found him in the male Demetri who had abandoned her. Having found him in Skrillex only to realize he wasn't what she had been looking for. Taking both males - one as her soul, the other as her heart - and finding neither one to be enough to make her want to give up her wild ways.
Cobryn had been hers, he had been the one to make her wish for an easier life. To give up the hate in her heart, to fill her stomach with natural foods, to give him the children he wished for and to be a mother to them. This is what Cobryn had changed for her, he made her want to be more while still being herself. He had loved her insanity, her spark, her fire. But, he would have always chased after another. Enigma had spoken up just when she had found happiness, and it sent the wool over Jaidah's eyes into a scorching conflagration. They would still be in this battle. Destined to fail...destined to fail. Jaidah growls. She growls but she does not move. "We proved the Angel King correct." This is all she utters, blankly, no depth to her voice. She doesn't even blink as the sky brightens and the earth she lays in becomes apparent. Heyel had been right when he said they would fail. She as a mother, and both of them in their relationship.
Jaidah was a monstrous failure. Since her first litter she has never truly been a mother. But, when she was trying, when she was doing her best to make things right and was doing right by her final litter...Fate had intervened. She had panicked and had run like the coward she was. She had forsaken her mate and her children in blind fear, and now she would pay with her heart. It seems a time of retribution is coming to Jaidah. It seemed appropriate that Cobryn be the one to cast the first stone, even if it was unintentional. "I thought you dead, love. I fled, I panicked and I took Jumanji...but I lost him too. So much loss, and we were happy..." Again, blank. Nothing is in her voice, and she simply remains in her prone position, eyes cast on the open terrain before them, not truly seeing. Only her lips move, and this is imperceptible unless one is truly studying her. "I tried..." The last brings a series of choking sobs, and this is the final breaking of her heart, this single utterance of an admission of guilt. "So sorry, little loves, forgive me. Sorry...sorry...sorry." She speaks to her little ghosts, her babies, Cobryn's babies, and Cobryn himself. Her voice barely a hoarse whisper as she cries openly now. her body shaking with the force of such a thing.
full of broken thoughts that I cannot repair
female || twelve || no heart || soul of Iblis || mother of monsters || Iromar