My mother put all of her weight into me in this moment. She was heavy, and I swore I could feel the burdens of life that she put upon herself. She sought comfort from me, this I know, but there is only so much one such as I can provide. I offer my body to lean on, but I do not know what else. I had told her the truth of my leaving, why I had to leave my very mother and I did not know how she would react. She pulls back, and she is listening intently to my words, a frown starting to fall onto her features and I worry if I had done wrong. Had I offended her? Made her situation worse?

She looks upon her own paws as she tells me that they left Iromar. I would like to say I feel better, but I don't. They could be lingering on the edge of the border, just waiting for me to leave so they could kill me for good. Well, at least Caligula. There is no doubt in my mind she wanted to kill me, and that Tess stopped her from attempting further. I may be of the shadows, one who is not like the others, but I still have the drive to live against hostile attackers. I would have fought tooth and nail. I would have stopped when she stopped, but if she never stopped, I would attempt to kill her for my own life. That is just the nature of things.

I had looked away, though I kept her in the corner of my good eye. I am not sure what to think of her claims to keep me safe. I know that Calugila never attempted an attack around mother, but I still can't help but think that Caligula would try if I left Diveen anyway. Diveen was not a pack to be toyed with. They are large, numerous and would not tolerate attacks upon their land. I lived close to Azrael, who is an assassin, for good reason. He is my friend and he can protect me in ways my mother cannot. I can also learn from him, he can teach me to fight and to protect myself. But...it is nice to hear from my mother that I am wanted, though really, I was left here after being stolen without a word from her. She never came to see me until almost a year later. I will be stronger though. I will be kinder. I will let her lean over to lick my muzzle with affection, but she will not get the same back. She would have to prove that she means it, and that I am not just being...used.

I turn my head slightly back to her after her lick. I am...stunned to hear her next words, that she claims I am her only son now. Does that mean she is casting out Tess? I don't really understand though. Son is son, no matter what she says...or is it? I don't know. Such concepts are foreign to me, my world is so different than others. I allow the confusion to play on my black and silver face, before asking about it.

"Tess is son, is he not? I not understand."

My eye narrowed a bit in frustration as I looked away again. It is moments like these where I feel...stupid, and yet I lay blame upon Vague for not teaching me the nuances of language when it was apparently critical. Azrael attempts to teach me now, but it is much more difficult than when I learned words from my mother as a pup. I spent most my time with Vague and yet he refuses to speak to me. Would I know words better if he had? I don't know.

I feel her again as she touches me, I remain still through all of her touch. I am still not fond of touching, and I don't think I ever will be...unless, it is that one girl. I do, however, notice her bloody paws again and it makes me frown slightly before I turn my golden eye back up to her. She wished to walk, and although I am not too..comfortable with the idea, I will for now. I do not think Caligula would attack me with Ruvindra, but, one cannot be for certain. I nodded slightly, my dark form rising upon my dark silver paws. I do give her one small nudge on the shoulder before walking away from Diveen. I make sure to stay real close to her, shoulder to shoulder, even if I was taller than her by now. She, apparently needed me, and if I was to ever leave Diveen again without fear for my life, I would need her.

As we walk, I keep silent for a moment as I think of what I could say to her questions. My brows are ruffled in contemplation. Words are very difficult and I find myself getting a bit frustrated. Maybe it is because we are walking towards foreign land, the Eastern crater, and the threat of Caligula still lingered within the depths of the mysteries. I only have one eye that ever worked, but I know that it is a disadvantage. I cannot see to my right side, but I allow Mother to take the right side, so she can be my right eye. Before, at least, no one knew I was blind, but Caligula took that away. Everyone knows my weakness. I must admit that I feel a little...nervous as we walk along, and this is fueling my frustration with speaking. My mind can't focus on it as well and I let a small, irritated growl surface to my throat. Eventually though, I do get out some words, it just take...longer than a normal wolf would, and longer than my progressed conversation with Azrael.

"Friend name...Az...ray el. He teach me...the words. He teach me how to hunt the...prey. He heal me after Caligula...hurt...me."

I frown slightly at my last words, knowing that I shouldn't be rubbing in that Caligula hurt me, but it is the simple truth. Azrael has been teaching me many things, and he healed me after the attack. He cared for me when no one else cared to care. I know that I owe part of my life to him, my only friend. I lift my head back up again, my silver paws pausing as I continue. A different look crosses my torn up visage, a look of concern, and a look of...something like love.

"Mother, there is girl. I spoke to father, he say she is imprint. She live in river pack. I...I must follow her, when she sad. She is...er...gr...."

It is then where I simply cannot put words into any longer. I do not know how to describe my feeling about this girl to her. I think it isn't possible. I do, still, get irritated that I cannot find words. I clench my teeth and look away again, obvious frustration coating my always unpleasant looking face. I am simply not meant to speak well, or to share my thoughts with others...not even my own mother. I am doomed to a life alone in the shadows...this I know. I stand still, my body tense as I stand and try to think and no words come to me. It is all feelings and images. Maybe... Mother would understand.
Three Years - Loved by None - Following Everchime