Was I?
I was too lazy to play.
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Disappointment. It echoed hot in his head—all the things he’d been stupid to hope for. Orca had gone away, and it had left the two boys loyal to their mother’s crown. Two boys… meaning one would eventually take over. Bane had no honest attachment to Sleekwing. They’d been born in the same litter. They’d seen each other every day for the first… what, six months? When did they even start exploring? It didn’t matter, because Swallowbane had so rarely left his mother’s side. It didn’t matter because when he wandered, it was alone and in the safety of the night. Yes, the night was safe. They’d hardly ever seen their father… for the first year or so Swallowbane had even doubted Alcide had existed. Simply the illusion of a man, and the three of them had simply poofed into existing one morning at the warmth of Moonglow’s belly.

If he could cry, he would have. As a child he’d always been maddened—second generation. Thunderbone and Boneclaw’s own children would have the throne long before he’d ever get to sit atop it. The sky had fallen, and under it his grandparents had been crushed. That crushed Swallowbane, of course, but it opened the door to his own hope. He’d been allowed to have hopes and dreams he didn’t have to brood over and wish and plot devious schemes for—he could do things with honor. He could respectfully beat his brother out and he could be the one to take over. He could… he could embrace it all, and maybe even as a birthright.

And then she’d been born. She ruined everything. Maybe it had all been ruined before the girl had come along. Maybe it came in the fact that his father hadn’t been there to teach his son not to be too attached to his mother, that he had another parent that was technically a valued member of society. Respect was earned, not given. Not being there for the entirety of a childhood was a pretty serious strike against Alcide. Swallowbane didn’t want to be around someone that had so freely been absent from his life. He’d been around so much… it wasn’t like he was hiding. He’d been the one to take care of the goddamned family when the sky was crumbling, and Calista on top of that. Swallowbane had been the one that kept everyone safe and fed, and he’d kept them all together. His morbid hope was that his father had been separated and wasn’t coming back—the father that had never been a father to them at all.

And yet there he was. So maybe it was Alcide that ruined everything, but Swallowbane still blamed the god be damned new hope. She was a spastic creature with a short attention span that didn’t know her ass from her elbow. All the creature did was play games. Swallowbane longed for his mother to come back, longed for the woman to set things straight. He wanted to be coddled briefly and told it was some great mistake, and the pup wasn’t cut out for this shit anyway. She’d taken his place—he’d been replaced. Not only had he been forced to play second fiddle to his male littermate, not even really a brother, this entire time he’d been replaced.

She’s so special. She’s so brilliant. She’s so wonderful. He’s sick of seeing that look in his father’s eyes when he looks at the pup. She would get two parents. She would get a stable world. She would get a throne kept warm for when it was time for mother to step down. She’d get everything he deserved and she wouldn’t have to work for it. He’d been turned away from the den when the girl was first born. He’d been disinvited from the family function of it all, and the other had just waltzed in without batting an eye. For someone who tried so hard to do so much, he’d been turned away a few too many times. He was sick and tired of looking like the bad guy and he was sick and tired of being turned away.

Swallowbane has thought himself a man for only a short period of time, but in reality he’s a teenager. When the sky falls around you, something happens. You may be more strong because of it, but in the long run it makes you far more fragile. Maybe Bane was fragile from the start. The night falls darkly around his shoulders, and he’s alone now. If he had been human, he would have no tears left to cry. Replaced. He’d been replaced and demoted, his mother was gone, his siblings were strangers… he was alone. Really and truly alone. The pack meeting must have dissolved a while ago, and it would have gone on after his scene had been caused. Bane hadn’t meant it… but it’s true. He’s still a teenager, and it’s what teenagers do.

Solevion shouldn’t have an heir yet. The oldest of the children were hormonal teenagers. The youngest was an untried child. Not one of them should be superior to another, and maybe that’s why he hurts so badly. What’s hit him the hardest is the fact that the ditzy thing would have both parents. Swallowbane quivers where he sits—he’s found it. He’s found what he’s looked for all along… the highest point in all of the new world. If he looked down he could se everything. Swallowbane doesn’t look down. Instead, his eyes trace upwards.

They’re flecked with blue and lavender, and they’re gentle. One of the stars in the velveteen blackness of the night sky is especially warm, inviting, seeming to twinkle at him. “Grandma…” Swallowbane speaks softly, reverently. “Grandma, what do I do?” Maybe Boneclaw would have the answers all these years later. She’d seen a lot. She would know.
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calista’s heart and soul
try to amplify the sound of light and love