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Looking for a way to clear my head, I find myself venturing away from Diveen and into the open lands. So much has been happening and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I made sure to look over my newest brood before I left, knowing that they're in capable paws with a healer there to tend to Natalya. I scowl at the thought of my imprint going through such pain. There was so much blood this time, reminescent of the first birthing to Fathom, Capone, and Ellie. I almost lost her that time. What if this time succeeds in taking her from me? I growl deep in my throat at the thought of losing her again. I've already lost so much in my lifetime. True, it's been a good long sustained life but so much loss. I guess it's only justified for all the losses I've caused in my lifetime. I manage to make it into the fields, inhaling the clear air through my lungs with a vengeance. The moon shines bright overhead like a spotlight on all my faults and flaws. My ears draw back, my muscles rippling as good as they ever have beneath my midnight coat. I don't feel as old as I am but I know the day is drawing near when I won't be the fighter I once was, the killer I once was, or even the lover. Just the moonlight reflecting off a stream makes me think of the way it used to bounce off of her sultry silhouette, her golden halo winking at me like a seductress as her ashen figure swayed toward me like a harlequin out for trouble. And oh, how I liked to get into trouble with her.... I blink a few times, pushing the image out of my head for it only makes my chest tighten with hurt. Hurt that I still feel months later after her disappearance. I think back to that wolf from Taviora, Alias, was it? And how much she reminded me of my former mate, the one who still holds a piece of my heart, wheverever she may be. She was a mystery, alright, but she's in another pack so it's not like I'll probably ever meet her again to further unravel that mystery. We hunted Tobias together, that's it. So why does the thought of her fur brushing mine cause my heart to pick up a beat or two? Only two wolves have ever done that to me and one lies wounded in a den in Diveen with healers working around her. The other is Tor knows where. I stop and look up at the moon, letting the song come from my heart as I pour all of my anxiety into it, my hopes and dreams. The hunt for Tobias, the fall of Moonglow to the north for the retched Purge to take over, Natalya hurt and maybe dying, new children to possibly disappoint in the future as I have many times before, the children who are far beyond my reach, one a king, one a knight, my daughter returned from wno knows where just still refusing to see me. I hear she even tracked down that bastard of a cripple face, Abraxus. She must still think of him as her father, the one who didn't even raise her, the one who abandoned her as I would never do. Just the thought makes me snarl in hatred. I wish I could rip the rest of his face right off. |