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I know I recognize the wolf before me as Amir's son but he's grown so much since the last time I saw him. I'm sure he makes Amir proud. Just the sight of him makes me think of my own sons and brings bitterness into my heart as I remember how I abandoned them in Diveen with a dead mother and nowhere to go. They probably both hate me now and I don't blame them. I wonder if I'll ever see them again. Will they look upon me as Stella and Fathom do. As Fathom did, I remind myself. She died. Another failure on my part. I should have been there to protect her. I should have been there for all of them. Cordova, Valentina, Capone, the ones I lost and the ones who are left behind. Stella, Kane, Chance, Zeteri, Durga, Kali, Ellie, and now Jakayden and Exodus. All children who are still alive and yet I still fail them. His first words throw me off. He mentions Voltaire and I think back to the scent I picked up on as I approached him. Voltaire must have led him here. I nod my head. "One of the best." I agree. Then he starts to explain, or at least tries to. I can see that he doesn't have a speech prepared or anything and I guess in ways that's a good thing. He tries first to exalt me and I can't help but grimace. I tilt my head in puzzlement as he goes on though about how he should have come sooner. I still don't even know why he came now. Why should he have? I'm not his problem. I'm no one's problem, not anymore. He smiles and ducks his head and I can tell that this is hard for him. I prick my ears forward patiently, waiting for him to continue since I haven't really learned anything new yet. He mentions his father now and my own gaze drops to the ground in shame. Amir. I've failed him too. He's always been like a son to me. My curiosity returns as my gaze lifts back to him. He says that he wanted to hear stories from Amir and I. I still don't understand. Why me? I've never been anything to this wolf. I cared about his father but I was never really involved in Uno's life. I just watched him grow up under Amir's gentle guidance. He says that he's training but I don't understand what it has to do with listening to stories from me. I want to tell him how boring I am. How I am not a hero or a legend. I am a shame to wolves everywhere. He seems a little more confident now, his tail wagging. When he finally asks a question, I flinch as if he hit me. I know what he's asking. I can tell that he didn't want to bring up memories but with a question like that, it can't really be avoided. I sigh heavily before answering. "My mind cracks sometimes. I lost my imprint and it broke something in me. I snapped. You could say I lost my mind. For some reason, when I saw Calliel, I didn't really see her. I saw my former mate and lover, Kiska. The wolf who came for me and brought me out of Diveen. I saw her in my grief instead of Calliel. I love Kiska. I will always love Kiska. She was the one I chose before Natalya. Kiska left me and it broke me. I spent years grieving and searching for her before I let Natalya heal me. Then Natalya left me in death. It broke me. And so I saw Kiska. Calliel didn't desreve that. No one does. And I don't deserve happiness." I speak strongly even as my heart is breaking. It hurts to say their names, to say Kiska or Natalya or Calliel. Because I know I failed each and every one of them. Kiska left because I couldn't love her like she deserved. Natalya left me because I couldn't protect her from death. Calliel didn't deserve my wrath. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time and I probably traumatized her. |