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I know that Amir must want me back at the pack but I just don't think I can do it. How can I face Isola and Kane and Calliel after what I did? I just hope Amir stays where he's needed. He has family who needs him and a pack he defends. To me, the punishment wasn't harsh enough. I scarred my grand daughter for life and yet I've got no marks on me other than the superficial ones she caused when she was trying to get away. Isola didn't ask for my head. She didn't tell her wolves to attack me and drive me out of Diveen like many other packs would have done. Kane didn't move to attack me though I could see in his eyes that day that he would have if he felt it necessary. The punishment of exile is not harsh, not to me. It should have been more. It doesn't matter if I didn't mean for it to happen. The problem is that it did happen. He tilts his head in confusion when I tell him I don't want forgiveness. I know that my years are catching up with me and I know if I go back, there's a chance something else will happen and I'll snap again. I could hurt someone again and this time it could be worse. I can't risk that. He starts to speak and then stops himself and I offer a small smile, letting him know that it's okay. I know he's probably still trying to argue with me on the matter, still trying to defend my honor but it's not necessary. Isola did what was right by her pack and I don't fault her for it. I don't expect him to either. When I embrace him, I can tell that it's helping. His shivering doesn't stop for a few minutes but it does finally calm down. I tell him to find his inner strength and there's a long pause as he contemplates. I'm guessing he's trying to find that anchor that he needs. When he finally steps away, I can see questions in his eyes but it doesn't look like they're for me. Then he asks if there's anything I can do and I smile and nod. "You can keep an eye on my family like you have all this time. I'll be here if you have anything to share or just need someone to vent to. Please..keep an eye on Calliel." I feel almost like I owe her. I know it's not Amir's debt to pay but he can be my eyes when I can't. I prick my ears, waiting for his response, hoping he's okay with it. I have no reason to think he wouldn't be but I don't want to ask him to do something he doesn't feel comfortable with. DMC_male_twenty years_no mate_imprinted on |