I am not well. I haven’t been well ever since this past spring…at least I think it was spring. Maybe it was winter? I can’t remember the season, but I can remember the place. There was a river with a dead bull elk. I drank from the water. I never drank water where there was a dead animal before. If I would have known it was there I wouldn’t have drank the water. Maybe that is where I got it. I know Andras hasn’t been well, but he hasn’t been well since Lilith’s death. Perhaps I got the sickness from him as well. Although why hasn’t anyone else within Iromar gotten it to? Our healer is nowhere to be seen. Aithne asked for her presence and yet she never did come. I have been staying within the cave I was born in. This is the only place I have left of her. I know it is silly to pine for a love unrequited, but she was my Mother and I am at a loss, really. I hear Avery’s call for myself and for a moment I am still not wanting to move. Yet I hear Aithne’s response and I manage a heavy sigh. I was hoping to continue my slumber. I barely make it to my feet and for a moment I have to rest against the wall of the cave for a moment, panting heavily as I try to force myself to walk. It is difficult for me to get to the border that Avery was at. When I see Aithne nearby I give a weak muffle bark, needing her assistance. When she came I leaned on her slightly using her as a supporting device to get to Avery. As we get closer my tail wags some when I recognize Coza. As I lean off of Aithne I try to step towards the Taviora Alpha, but I stumble and fall. I manage to lift my head slightly looking up at everyone.
“I know Coza, we met, I was supposed to tell him and his pack to come, but I…I forgot. I’m sorry.”
I forgot my task. I cannot believe I forgot! I was supposed to come get his Diplomatic leaders and some of the pups and bring them over to Iromar. It was supposed to be a friendly visit. A way to show Taviora and the other packs that Iromar was different. I failed Aithne with my task. I broke my promise to Coza. Why oh why did I do something wrong?! I cannot help, but curl myself into a ball. It is the only way I can block and hide everything on the outside as I close my eyes. I am ashamed. Absolutely ashamed of myself. I hear a stern voice and my crimson ears flick back and forth. I pick my head up and notice for the first time the snowy colored wolf. I cannot help but tilt my head to the side as he speaks to me and drags some sort of dead skin around his neck. My violet eyes blink for a few moments, but each blink is slow and heavy. I close my eyes as if I am just too tired to keep them open for the time being as I answer his question.
“I was drinking water and I smelled other wolves near a dead deer. I went, but I did not eat the meat. There was a white wolf, he was very nice, very kind, but I got no name. He smells like you. He did not treat me like…a Demon.”
I smile when I speak of this white wolf. I do not know why I feel happy when I think about him, but I like him. He never did tell me his name and I never did find out he was my imprint. My parents were imprints and my Mother hated my Father. My Father deserved better. He deserved to have someone that actually cared for him. Mother did not care. I wish I could see that white wolf again. I felt I think…at peace. Yes, I think that is how I felt. I felt at peace and then I got sick. Maybe…Maybe I should find him. Maybe if I was at his side I would feel better. Yes, that must be it. I need to go to him. I need to find him. But where could he be? I lift my head feeling a sudden urge to move and get up.
“I need to find him. I need to go to him. I will get better I think…yes I will go find this white wolf.”
As I scramble to my crimson paws I suddenly collapse to the ground again. With a heavy sigh I curl myself up in a ball again. I guess when I fell to the ground it knocked out whatever crazy thought was in my head, because I remember I wasn’t done answering Sen’s question. I manage to place my head over my paws as my violet eyes, speckled with an icy blue, look up at him.
“Hungry and not hungry. Killed a lot, but could not eat. I feel hot and cold. I cannot stand for long. I like to sleep, but I have too much to do. I am Consul – I have to make Andras and Aithne proud. Mother…Mother said I was not allowed to be weak, I try not to be. She still left me. You can make me not weak, right?”
He has to fix me. I need to be fixed. I cannot be weak anymore. I just can’t.