Touch. This is something that I am not accustomed to. To touch another was not forbidden, but it was not allowed. Mother would not let me touch her. I barely touch anyone within my own pack. My Empress was not the touching type and I always refrained from touching her as best as I can, but sometimes I feel the need to at least press my shoulder into her side – to physically show her I am with her. Andras was not much for touching. He rarely touched me back. Natu touched me first and I thought because she did I was allowed to return to gesture, but for only a few short moments. There was this strange female that didn’t seem to mind my presence and when she touched me I felt inclined to mimic and copy her, because she never stopped me. Yet to touch a male that was…I think wrong? I mean I’ve never been really close with another male before. Sure, Sen has to poke and prod me with his nose or paw to get me to wake up or eat or to make me be close to him, but I know it is because there is a purpose. However, to touch Starfall was…I think it was wrong? I mean he was not pack and he was older than me. That and I don’t think he appreciated it, because once our muzzles touched he seemed so shocked and taken aback just as much as I was.
But as I focus on the dead bird looking at it with much interest I sneak a glance and notice his crooked awkward grin. Bashfully I turn my dial to the other side extremely embarrassed from my former actions. But when I notice his shadow in the show begin to fade away I lift my head concerned that he was leaving so soon. I did not want him to leave just yet. I felt…I felt as if his company was right for me. I’m always alone and by myself, but I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want him around just a little bit longer and who cares if he trespassed or not. He belonged to one of our allied packs and I think he should be allowed to stay. I raise my russet banner and swing it side to side slowly, happy to see him stop and turn around to look at me and listen. I like being listened to. I may not have anything wonderful to say, but I do like it when someone at least just notices me. I am not an attention seeker, but I am one that would like to be noticed…at least for a tiny bit. I cannot help but flash him a small grin as I give him my word and reassure his worries.
“I am sure she will understand. You were doing me a kindness.”
As he heads in my direction I lower my head and pick up the dead avian and turn around slowly to follow after him. My steps are shorter and I can feel my weak limbs begin to tire out far too quickly then it should. I know I should have stayed in my den and slept, but I had felt the need to come out. It was a good thing too I followed my gut, because I ran into him before anyone else could. I know I am trailing far behind, but I try to hurry up when he turns back to look at me. I notice his visage turn into concern and a part of me appreciates it, but despises his look all the same. I am not weak. I am not helpless. I am just ill. One crimson ear twitches forward when I hear his question and I nod slowly, speaking softly to him, with the dead bird still in between my teeth.
“A little bit? Sen has been feeding me medicine and I’m getting slightly better. Still weak though, tired a lot, but I’m getting my hunger back so…that is a good thing.”
As I move past him I try to keep myself upright. My steps are slow and I am embarrassed that he has to meet my pace when he is far too healthy and dignified to do such a thing. My paws are silent as we trail over the marshes. Every now and then I stumble, but I manage to keep myself upright. For a while as we walk I question him to help pass the time.
“How have you been? Were you able to see your family?”
Eventually we make it through the bog and we are on a darker quieter spot of the bogs. It is clear that my scent is heavy here, because this is my spot, far from the others. Mother choose this area to have me and I haven’t had the heart to leave it. My den is hidden underneath a small hill with a willow tree sitting on top of it, the willow’s lowered branches providing my den comfort and solitude as it blocks me from the world. It is at this moment I have to pause and lean my shoulder slightly into his side for support. My breathing is a little bit shallow from the travel. I had not allowed another in my den on my own permission. Sen was allowed because of my Alpha, but this…this is the first time I am allowing someone else in here. Violet eyes shift towards his own as I stare at him quietly for a moment unsure with how to say this. Softly I mumble unsure if he could hear me through the dead bird in my mouth.
“You can come in and stay for a little while?”
Lifting myself from his stronger form I move through the willow’s branches and enter the mouth of my den, it is rather large and the floor is littered with dead animal skins, meant to provide me warmth and comfort when I could not get it anywhere else. I whine softly as I allow myself to lie down along the left, not daring to ruin the scent of my Mother on the right hand side of the den. As I wait for him to enter I place the dead raven between my paws and stare up at him, hoping he’d come in, I wouldn’t mind some company. It would be nice for a change.