It seemed that we were both riddled with dark pasts and dark presents yet the secrets hung like flames between us. We had barely known each other. In the back of my mind I understood that and tried to ignore the hurt that seeing him caused me. He hadn't ever said "I'll be back to take care of you!" And I hadn't asked him too, even if my eyes had done it for me. I had merely expected it and been thrust into disarray when he hadn't. Things had eased a bit after he left, though, for Myrria had decided to take a trip and I was left alone. Always left alone. It was to be the mark of my life, I think - Malleah, Alone. This morning I had felt a sense of sick accomplishment because this time I was choosing my path. I would be alone because I WANTED to be alone. Because Aranck had taken each freedom from me and twisted it into something vile. He was oil and flame and he was catching. Soon he would be consumed by all his misdeeds and I would survive, watching the flames, because I was self-serving and I was a survivor. I wouldn't let him drag me down with him.

He might go to hell but I was still an angel on earth!

It stung me to see how I had hurt him but the words were already out and the damage already done. I tried to smooth it over as best I could, yet my voice still held that plaintive tone. I was good a whining, a thing I often did, but it felt wrong and stupid in his presence. So I tried to tuck that side back in me even as I struggled to get near him. I sit slowly now, confident that Exodus would never hurt me. Even if we both could see that things with me were complicated.

I can be blunt too, he states, and my ears fall back as my head dips in shame. But the next words make my eyes light up, my ears stand, and my head rise a little. I am breathless because suddenly I feel like I have a chance again. A chance at not being alone - a chance at not living in the hell I had embroiled myself in. When he makes a mention of my belly my ears turn back again and I scowl suddenly. "It's not what it seems." The words come out angrily, not at him, but at myself and I suddenly glare at the ground for a minute while I try to come up with words.

It felt like no matter what I said he would realize the truth - I am a depraved soul. "I don't want them and I don't want him. He.. we... I hate him." Well, if that didn't make me sound like I was an ungrateful slut I wasn't sure what would, but I didn't mince words. I didn't know what else to say. Once I had thought there might be hope for Aranck and me but he had taken each good aspect and soured it. I lift my eyes now, a steely look. "I wish you had stayed." Then my eyes soften and water and I feel like I am going to cry. Damn hormones! "I've made a mess of things," I whine then, unable to contain my displeasure and afraid of driving him away but unsure what to do about it.