Georgiana's heart skipped a beat at the mention of Braylen. Sirena's eyes widened in concern, and when she looked back at the mare it was as if she was frozen in time. They were gone for a year, and at any mention of Braylen or family, or Ike in that duration would break her for days. A dull lifelessness and self-hate sucking her into a darkness that was already a void that she lived with for eight years. “S-sirena.” A withering gasp escaped her lips, as if she was choking. “He died,” Her eyes searched for some vision of her daughter, some light. “I know, I kn-” Georgiana sobbed, “I couldn't.” her body quivered as Sirena tried to comfort her, “Mum, its okay, it is.”
She was a mess, so unlike before, before when she didn't have a family to disappoint. Before she didn't even care if she died, because no one else ever cared for long enough, for real. And then, someone did, and she felt guilty for leaving but this loss was a torment she had only faced on her own before, and she feared seeing others feel this sadness too. She did not want anyone else to have to mourn, she didn't even want them to know. Selfishly, so selfishly, she feared the love she finally gained would abandon her like everything before the Lost Islands, so she fled before that had a chance to happen. Before she got the chance to realise that no one would hate her for it, or blame her for having an unhealthy foal. But Sirena was there, and Sirena brought her back. Without realising it, deep inside, she was coming to understand that Braylen and Isobel would only grieve and support her just as Sirena had.
It was something, you see, she did not know happened so frequently (foal mortality that is). Weaned and then rejected from every herd she wanted to be a part of, ever since she can remember. Her homeland was plentiful in resources, but was also a land filled with souls she pitied, for they thought her defect was pitiful and made her worthless. At least, that is something she has come to believe is not true, with all her heart, however, it has left a gap in her knowledge, she supposed, about everything to do with family; she could not even watch from a distance the foals play and suckle from their mothers, and in her mind it played over, what if I could see them? Would I have not only Sirena, but three other children, too?
She knows now that she made a mistake; running away from the thing she wanted most in this world, a family. She wanted it to be whole, not in shambles because of the blame she put on herself, and the blame she thought others would too, and she wanted to have more beautiful children.
Sirena kept trying to comfort her but it was useless, her words burnt away as Georgiana lost herself in thought, no longer hysterical, but dead silent all the same. “Pagan, I am sorry for this,” She looked at him, then Georgiana again. “Lets just keep going, okay?” Georgiana nodded, and then the filly nodded to Pagan to say it was okay to continue.
When they arrived Georgiana walked away in silence, drawn to the sound of trickling water, soothing as it carried away the emotions that still boiled below the surface, the steaming warmth from the spring even beginning to cast a sleepy spell over her tired body as she stood there; thoughts turning into dreams.
Sirena was wide awake, however tired she may be, and as she stood a respectable distance beside Pagan, her ears flicked in moderate concern over the noises that carried on the wind of this fateful night. In particular, the haunting howl of wolves in the distance that sent chills down her spine. In that moment she decided to trust the stallion a little more, her eyes cast in his direction.“My name is Sirena and over there is my mother, Georgiana.” She shifted her weight as she relaxed slightly, clearing her throat as she internally protested against talking to the stranger, her reserved nature battling her want, or perhaps need, to talk. “I have never seen a wolf, mother hasn't either, uh...” she stumbled over her words, “She actually hasn't seen anything in her entire life.” She made sure not to sound as if she was telling a sad story because she knew Georgiana would scold her for it, “Not my face, not yours...” Her ears flicked at the sound of spray bursting from a geyser, “Not Braylen's.”
Pausing to let him process what she was saying, she looked away briefly and sighed. “Fateful, isn't it? That we washed up on Tinuvel, the home you share with my father as the second stallion.” With that final statement she knew he would piece together the information she gave him, and hoped he would share something with her too; something in return, especially since she isn't someone who easily opens up to others. Georgiana & Sirena
AND UNDER THE STARS |