as I wandered the forest, the green leaves among, i heard a wild flower singing a song

petal is ashamed for so many reason… for running out again as everyone seemed to have expected, for not saying goodbye to her daughters and to jabari, for making vita nova worry… she feels like she is suffocating under the weight of all the guilt. when she sees vita nova visibly relax some, relieved that all is as well, she also sighs. the soft touch at her shoulder grounds her some and she is glad her friend isn’t angry with her for the scare. petal nods softly, affirming he had indeed gone to the lagoon and again as vita nova recounts jabari’s trip to the inlet. she wasn’t interested in an excuse but it still made her feel better to know that vita nova thought he was not thinking clearly and that it was a mistake. maybe he had been feeling how she was now…lost, confused..guilty.. the words of her friend help her put his actions into perspective.

when vita nova speaks of shamwari she feels herself closing up, shrinking away from the words… it is almost a bigger wound to take than being separated from jabari, the loss of his friendship. her heart is broken by jabari’s actions and how things played out but she feels more confident now that things can be mended with him… shamwari? she’s not so sure… she still feels the old guilt from choosing his son instead of him…from him defending her when he didn’t have to.. for abandoning him in the first place when brienne had passed. she has wronged him so many times… it is a stifling weight, so heavy that she suddenly feels as if she cannot breathe. tears well in her crystal blue eyes and she sniffs, trying to hold them back and she turns her delicate face away from her friend in shame.. it is a long moment before she can find her voice. i don’t deserve your brother as a friend… i just don’t want to hurt him again…to trouble him anymore than i already have. maybe it’s best i just…i don’t know… she doesn’t finish the thought… knowing where it would lead her… she doesn’t want to leave the prairie for good. anything but… but she doesn’t see how she can be with jabari and her daughters right under shamwari’s eye any longer. it is too much for her to bear.

she sobers instantly when vita novas tone changes… her body gives its customary nervous shiver and she visibly shrinks from the words that leave her friends lips. does he know? shamwari? she wonders how fast she could make the journey, to warn them…but maybe she had just been too wrapped up in her own emotional turmoil to not notice what was going on around her. what will you do? i know you… you must care for warsaw… but to stay with him if this is his plan? is there no way to change his mind? she doesn’t dare suggest right then that vita nova abandon him and leave with her… she isn’t brave enough to risk angering her friend when she hadn’t seen her in so long… clearly the mare saw something in the beastly grey stallion that she loved. it was a tangled web. her mind is already darting to dark scary places.. thinking of her nubile daughters and what could happen if they fell into the wrong hands. they must be protected. she would trade her freedom in an instant for their protection, for jabari’s and shamwari’s too if she thought warsaw would offer it….. but from what she heard in her friends voice, it wouldn’t be enough. she couldn’t protect anyone.

p e t a l

mare : 5 : perlino dun : arabian mustang mutt : 13.3 : kafkaesque