Meadow
Force-claiming is not allowed here. This is a peaceful, neutral area meant for socialising.
Posted on May 19, 2020 at 01:35:26 AM by CAIN
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There was a time he would have scoffed at his own weakness in this moment as he faced the grullo paint. He had never felt so small and alone and yet she chose to stay here with him and keep him company. In a way, it was the most selfless thing he'd ever seen. It reminded him only more of Vihaan and her own inner strength and that could have been his complete undoing if he let it cause he had a feeling he was going to lose her too. So much of the foundation that made his herd in the beginning was getting lost or leaving and he felt it in every fiber of his being. Where most stallions traded in mares like currency and swapped them around for politics, he grew attached to every one he brought into his fold and he would fight tooth and nail to keep them safe and happy. The thought of losing any of them weighed on him and he felt more breakable than he ever did in that human's pen. She must have heard his whisper because she said that no one who feels remorse could be beyond redemption. He gave a small sigh, wishing that he could believe her and maybe some day he could, but with everything still raw and fresh in his mind, it wouldn't be today. She seemed to completely believe in the words she said and Cain admired that. She repeated his question then, asking how to defeat oneself and he found himself leaning in a little, thirsty for every word she'd say next. She had to have all the answers, right? He knew he didn't. Then she said that they already had and admitted that she was exiled of her own accord and that he'd fled from the ones he loved. He had to chuckle a little at that but it came out dry and weak. Shaking his head with a snort, he flicked his ears back. "Because the ones I love left first. I haven't gotten close to any of the mares who call my herd home at this point. They're still too new to the island. The mares I grew close to, the ones I started to FEEL something for...they've either been claimed by death or distanced themselves by choice. And I can't blame them." He almost growled the last words, self-loathing so evident in his tone. The ones he loved were, of course, the ones he hurt the most. He had fought not once but twice for Primrose's freedom and then humbled himself by going to her father for help. She found her freedom and didn't even want to tell him that she might not come back to the desert at all. Then there was sweet, strong Vihaan. He worried himself to death about her after allowing her to go to her family during the war, despite knowing the danger she was putting herself in. He knew it would kill her to worry about them so he let her go. She'd only recently returned and he could feel the difference in her, the sudden distance between them and he felt himself losing her inch by dreaded inch. It was torture. He had no one to blame but himself for their actions. They couldn't forget what he'd done to them just as he never would be able to put it from his thoughts. He was foolish to think he could gain their trust and forgiveness by his future actions, by trying to make it right. Nothing would ever be good enough. The grullo went on to say they brought suffering on themselves. She even gave a short story about her parents, saying her father told her she must love herself before she could be loved by another. Cain flinched at the words, his gaze falling to the ground. "Then I guess I'm doomed never to feel such a thing. A monster is unworthy of anything so pure as love." When she glanced back toward the Peak, he followed her gaze, again wondering what had happened there. There seemed almost a sadness in her eyes, like she wanted to be there but something held her back. Was it her own self imposed exile she had spoke of or something else? She then turned back to him to say if he held onto the past, he would never escape it. He wondered to himself if trying to hold onto Primrose and Vihaan was the literal meaning behind that. After all, they were so tightly wound up in that dark part of his past. Would he really have to let them both go? The thought made his chest constrict painfully. She told him to forgive himself and move on. He flinched again at those words. Finally, he let out a breath and shook out his mane. "I don't know where to begin but I'll try. That's all I can promise at this time." His dark brown gaze found herself again then, knowing there was much more to this. "And what about you? What will you do about your self-imposed exile? Will you return to the Peak or find somewhere new to belong?" Cain_stallion_6yo_Gypsy Vanner Mutt_16.3hh_black and white tobiano coat_white mane & tail_dark brown eyes_bound to none_Salem Desert Father to: Akello(xVihaan), photo by JNix@Shutterstock |
Replies:
- surrender to nothing - By Hawke May 19, 2020 at 07:12:04 PM
- bite me - By CAIN May 19, 2020 at 11:57:46 PM
- surrender to nothing - By Hawke May 22, 2020 at 03:25:11 AM
- bite me - By CAIN May 19, 2020 at 11:57:46 PM
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