Falls

fearghas

Fearghas wouldn't have been able to dream a world in which this situation would become harder for him, and yet it did. Ally's face twisted further as he spoke, losing any trace of softness or fondness or kindness. He knew - as he had suspected for some time - that there was no repairing this bridge. His failures had broken it far beyond repair and in approaching her now, he was only rubbing salt in a wound that had long since begun to heal without him.

As her expression becomes unreachably distant, every molecule in his body begs him to retreat. Running from his problems had become the only reliable method of dealing with his problems, and he yearned to dash off as he had so many times before. Her words pin him in place, and the shock of realization stings. His gaze drops helplessly to the boy and the betrayal of this reality, of his once-mate carrying and raising the grandchild of their enemy willingly, of her own volition, breaks the last shreds of hope that he carried inside of him.

Reality - and his core beliefs - were proving to be far too malleable to be tolerated.

Shock leaves him cold, and he swallows hard, scrabbling to find any foothold of sanity, only to find a stormy ocean of regret surrounding him. Ally leaves him no time to find the shallows, but plunges him beneath the waves. You left me, she says, and he nods, wincing at the raw emotion in her tone. He had. He had left her and Seri and their future behind, although it had never been what he wanted. Fearghas had never wanted to be separated from either of them.

But he'd thought it was the only way to keep her safe.

Undeterred by his quiet pain, Aallotar continues on, driving to the crux of the matter. You let us but wasted no time shaking up with him. He sucked in a shocked breath, although he wasn't sure what it was about her statement had taken him so off guard. Didn't she see the differences between the two of them? Cullen could hurt Varanduil, had hurt Varanduil, but he couldn't wreak the same sort of havoc upon V's life that he could Ally's. And V… V was like him. They were both broken, in their own way. Neither of them remembered how to be whole without each other but Ally was a monolith to the spotted stallion. She wore her strength like a shield, forever facing down threats to her survival with a ferocity that he could only admire, but never emulate.

Ally was better of without him. Had become stronger without him. V? V was just like him.

"I thought you would be better off without me," he says, naked and vulnerable before her. "The Peak would protect you. Bozena would protect you since… since I couldn't. I wasn't enough, Ally," his voice quickly descending toward pleading. "V's not… he," Fearghas struggles to find the words to explain Varanduil. He loved Varanduil, just as he loved Aallotar. But the two loves were very different and affected him in very different ways. Comparing them was just as nonsensical to his mind as comparing a cloud to the sound of rushing water. "He can't hurt Varanduil like he can you."

Seri saves him from further stumbling, offering a question that chops up what remains of Fearghas' fragile heart. Pain clouds his brow and he steps foward unbidden, desperate to at least explain. To help her understand that in sending her away, he was showing her the most love that he possibly could. Even though it hurt. Even though it was confusing. Even though, in hindsight, it hadn't been the right decision. If the road to hell was paved with good intentions, Fearghas was leading the construction company… but he wanted Seri to understand that he had never once stopped loving her.

"I had to, Seri." A separate part of his mind warns him against coming closer, within range of Ally's protective hooves and jaws, but it is a distant, quiet voice and he ignores it. Fearghas steps forward slowly, his gaze fixed on their daughter. "Or, I thought I had to. I thought you would be safer without me. Everything I touch spoils, and I wanted you to have a good life, baby. The best life. But to do it, I had to stay away so you would be safe."

"I didn't want to, Ser. I promise, I didn't want to." He falters to a stop a short distance in front of her, his head dropped in supplication.

stallion . 5 years . 16.1 hands . smoky black blanket . loveinspired . credit