I watch her tail lower and her whole body seems to react in kind, her ears flickering. She suddenly seems unsure and for every step I take to reach her, she takes one back. Why does she back away? Can't she see that I want to make things right, that I forgive her for leaving me? Why is she backing away? Anger burns deep in my heart, bitterness for the mate who left me with no word, who took away the sacred choice I made years ago when I decided that my heart was hers, even if my soul could never be in her possession. Why must she come and tease me and then threaten to leave once more?

Her hackles bristle but hers used to in play all the time. A sultry growl escapes my throat as I take another stumbling step forward. She must be teasing me. She wants to play. She doesn't want to leave...does she? I can see that she's tense, ready for anything and I've always liked that about her. She never loses her guard, no matter what. When she lifts a lip, revealing a shiny fang, I blink a few times. Is she teasing me more or is that a warning? Is she telling me to stay back? Why would she do that? I scowl, not understanding, the confusion so obvious on my distant features.

I can just make out the growl surfacing from her own lips and my ears flicker back and forth at the sound. It doesn't quite sound like her. Is this some trick? She steps back once more but keeps facing me so I take hope from this. She doesn't want to turn her back on me so that means there's still hope, right? Maybe she doesn't really want to leave, she just wants to talk. But oh, how I ache to touch her, to make her see that I've hunted her down all this time, that she's still the one I choose! My chest tightens and falters, my breathing shallow and heavy. My mind is still trying to remind me of something, something behind me, but I refuse to turn from her. Now that she's in my sight, I don't want to look away, not now. Not ever.

Something flickers in her eyes, something like confusion but I shake my head. Surely she's not confused. What would she have to be confused about? Doesn't she see what I'm trying to say? Doesn't she hear how much I need her? She speaks to me and when she uses that word that confuses me again, I shake my head vigorously as if doing so will keep the word from entering my ear drums. Then she uses the right name. Kiska. I breathe a sigh of relief at the sound of that name. But the word she uses in connection with it throws me off. Dead? No...no death. Again, my mind pokes at me, trying to make me look behind me. Something to do with that word. Death, dead....but no, I won't look. I refuse to. I growl deep in my throat in defiance of my mind. I refuse to succumb to this weakness.

I look back at her, my eyes pleading.

"Kiska, can't you see that I need you? Can't you see that I still love you? You mustn't leave me. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to lose you, not again..."

My mind fumbles and I lose track of my thoughts. I shake my head again, ears flicking back. As I step closer to her, she lets loose a sound like a whimper. I pause, hesitating because something about the sound plays with my mind again. I shake my head once more, saliva flying as I try to figure it out. Why would she whimper? She wouldn't whimper. She would have no reason to...would she? Maybe she's sad because she missed me? I smile, a genuine smile, and yet on the features of a dazed wolf with glazed distant eyes, it seems more creepy than reassuring, like a dead corpse smiling.

She starts sniffing and I blink, wondering what she's doing. Suddenly she turns and I take a determined step forward. Wait, where is she going? She can't leave! My heart is in my throat as I take another step, listening to her gentle voice which only serves to confuse me more. I catch the keywords like leave and my heart starts thumping again. It's so loud I bet she can hear it. I hear words like mother and father but they don't make sense to me so I shake my head, trying to get rid of the sound of them. She tells me to stay and again that she has to leave. My lips curl back, anger flashing in my eyes. Something about help. Hasn't she been listening??

She starts to back away and lifts her muzzle to cry out and I launch forward, urged by my own beating heart and the crying of my soul.

"You can't leave me, Kiska. Not again. You left me once and it hurt like hell. You can't leave again. I won't allow it. Don't you see?? Haven't you been listening?? I'm trying to get your help. I need help from you, Kiska! Don't leave me!!"

With those last angry words, I lunge at her, trying to throw her off balance by ramming into her chest before grasping at one of her fore legs to pull her weight out from under her. I just want her to be still, to stay with me. I don't know my own strength right now so there's no telling how deep I'll bite if I connect or how much damage I'll do with slamming my weight into her. She's a growing girl and sure to be a big one but not big enough. She hasn't grown into her full height yet which will match mine and I'll always outweigh her. If she goes down, I'll keep grasping whatever part of her that I can, anything to hold her in place. I don't go for fatal shots like the face or neck, just legs and shoulders and meaty parts, anything to hold her down, to keep her with me. I can't lose her, not again.