I haven't slept, I can feel the rage burning too tightly in his chest it seems, and I stay out all night. I ache to go to him, what ever state I may find him in, I want to soothe the mess I made, prove to him the words he said on a hissing and painful breath are not true at all. He will always be enough for me, I just thought it would be nice to have ourselves made whole. Now, I have spent the night thinking it over, making myself sick over how I have acted and what I did to his face. His ear is destroyed, and it is my fault, I did that to him. The torn ear will always be my shame, though secretly, it is my pride. It means he felt as much pain as I did when I had to kill our weak child, I had to show him that I could stand up for what I wanted, and I only stopped because hurting him meant I hurt myself. I could feel that burn of shredded cartilage as surely as if he had grasped my ear as well, though it was upon my brow and cheek, it was on the very lid itself - which had since swollen shut and gave me new perspective on the world.

I had poor depth perception, though my body hardly seemed daunted, adjusting quickly to the fact that the earth was closer than it appeared to be. It was the half-lit way the world seemed, even in the brightness of a full moon that had me pinned to the open plain of the river field. Tobias was out there somewhere, I knew he was, though faint, his scent still lingered on the winds. If I seemed weak to my brother, how might the hellion I was raised with see me? I miss the wolf now, understanding somehow that he was family, the white female who had followed me at such an age had led me to him. I had followed and stalked with him, hunted his favorite prey with him, ate what he left behind. I was a savage beast, not caring how I looked or if I had a line to defend, truly given to the root of my Amazonian nature. I hadn't needed anyone then, except for the grey and black form of my brother. Through even the darkest haze I will always need him.

A sudden and remarkable transformation comes over me during my long and sleepless night; I become the wolf I was when I left Moladion to kill my daughter, the savage that Tobias helped make, the one who stole children from the dens of mothers with an innocent and deceiving tact. This transformation is one Adonis may find pleasing, and like my aunt and her mother, and her mother before that, I stalk the one my heart longs for.

His trail is thick with that carnal, metallic, and sweet scent of blood and masculinity. Midnight knives are thrust to the sky as I move along his path, all hints of innocent Atania gone from my cold eyes. Hard golden eyes are cast ahead of me as I put my head down, bright silver ears tilted forward as I trot my way through the lands of darkness. I am no dainty female, and hidden muscles contract with a renewed strength as I slip into something more comfortable than the innocence of my former life. I want nothing more than him in this moment, more of his blood, his pain, his pleasure. I want him near me once more, I need him with me, nothing is okay without him here beside me. I howl out an apology meant only for him, savage I may be, but I still gave my heart to this male, my other half, my twin. He is all I will have in my life, the only permanent. I want nothing else, and the beast I am wants nothing to do with that nasty business of raising children.

Imagine that, if I force the absence, I am able to cope, but if Adonis does it? Hell. NO! So, to keep him, I dash my own dreams of a legacy, I drop my innocent mask for one that I was always meant to wear. This may seem a mask at first, but, perhaps if he has not killed yet, or if I find him and rile him once again he will wish to hunt with me. I want to see heads roll, blood flow, and I want to hear only the sound of my madman laughing in my ears. I drop my farce, I lock away that maternal instinct and I never want to see it again, not if it makes a mess of my Doni. Now, I must search and follow this trail of crimson drops like rose petals to my brother. If I must search all night I will, if I must fight him once more or even take lives with him, this is fine by me. But, I will find him, he will give me an apology and I will offer my own.

I run, loping in a ground eating gait to catch up with him, hoping that all night was enough to let him cool off.

Not long after my trek, I come to the Aplos river, and right away, my nose is assaulted by the stench of wolf blood that has spoiled in the night. I move to inspect the wolf by the river, strewn about haphazardly as if Adonis simply shook the small girl like a dove. She was young, possibly a pup from spring, and since hers was the only smell around other than my heart on the ground, I assume she was alone. White, with just a touch of black along her back, the little body lay completely torn apart, her coloration apparent only in patches of fur and her paws. The eyes were green as the forest, and I can only imagine what Doni saw when he came across her. His scent is strong in the air, and I can feel him close by, I simply have to find him.