I had been keeping my head down, and that was highly unconventional for me. My father had always said that I couldn't stay out of trouble even if I tried, and I guess that my sharp fangs and even sharper tongue agreed with that sentiment. But instead of getting melancholic about my lack of activity, I had taken it as time to explore and scope out the new lands that I had chosen to call home. I let out a snort. I should just stop trying to justify my bullshit-- I was getting lazy. I needed something to do.
I stood up from the patch of grass where I had been resting, stretching out my paws in front of me, opening my jaws in a wide, almost obnoxious yawn, before snapping them shut. I cracked my neck and rolled my shoulders, and trotted off easily, my trained and limber muscles cooperating easily although I had just been in the throes of sleep. As usual, my dreams were filled with the scene that had chased me all the way to Moladion-- the night my father had been killed. Another thing I kept trying to justify. If I had stayed with him until the end, I would have died too, and then where would we be? Certainly not anywhere beneficial to either of us. And loyalty hadn't really meant much to either of us, anyway. So why, then, with all the sound reasoning with which I could potentially discount my guilt, did I wake up in the middle of the night gasping from nightmares about what I could have done?
I sighed at my own inner dialogue because here I went, trying to psychoanalyze myself, and out of all the justification that had to be the worst reaction out of all of them. I could spend a lifetime trying to truly understand myself, but I didn't care to. What I did care about was finding some work, something to do. I wasn't too keen on being a follower again, but it was better than being hardly more than a ghost, drifting from place to place without a purpose.
It wasn't depression or anything of that sort. I just had to get over myself, which was pretty hard, considering my impressive sense of narcissism and entitlement, and I had to get over what had happened. Allowing myself to live in the past was only slowing me down, and aside from that, I didn't need my father. I was doing fine before he came along, anyway.
Regardless, I figured that this place would be the best to find wolves who would be interested in the kind of work that I could provide. My white-ringed eyes glanced around at the caves, their wide, yawning mouths revealing nothing but a sense of dread that hung in the air, as if this place were just... inherently dangerous. How exciting.
X
But I'm in love with the way it's dirty |
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