“Well- unleashing it through your pack land was an accident, yes, I didn’t actually mean to send it rolling through the forest. Like I said, I just didn’t know my own strength.”

Sort of an accident and sort of not I suppose, at least, that was the story I was going with today. She probably already knew the truth of it, this Zelda, this girl who didn’t bother me as much as the others. I liked my sister alright and I liked my Mother of course plus a few of my aunts but aside from that I really found nothing about girls all the exciting. I don’t know why so many boys seemed to be so fascinated. They were just like us but, well, smaller usually. I would learn one day I suppose, in fact, if I knew entirely how much I would one day come to appreciate females I would surely have been shocked. Maybe that is why it takes at least four years for us to develop any real interest beyond seeing a playmate or a companion. I liked this one though, at least, she listened when I talked and she kept secrets and I liked that. Maybe I wasn’t willing to tell her all my secrets but maybe that is something that will come with time. Maybe I won’t ever tell anyone, after all, if no one knows then we are only safer, aren’t we? Had Covet not actually been able to connect Angels with any of the things he claimed then our lives would have simply been made easy. Then again, none of the things he claimed had occurred had actually occurred regardless, he merely blamed an easy target I suppose. I would change that though, in time, I would make it impossible to ever hold hat blame upon us again. All things could be fixed, we simply needed those prepared to modernize from Heyel’s methods a little. I don’t mean to discredit Lord Heyel, after all, there never was a wolf so great- but the things that worked in his time, the methods we employed need to change- they need to get better and maybe I have bitten off more then I can chew but I’m going to try. I want to be everything he was- but better.

Maybe it was those darker thoughts, I suppose, that tangled within my brain and brought about the words I offered Zelda next. I was frustrated I suppose, with myself more then anything, with being to young and small to have done something more that day. I could have tried I suppose- but Covet would have flicked me aside like a flea and I am not so delusional to believe anything otherwise. I was…I am, a child, a boy and no more. The things he said to me though- they made me mad and not in the regular sense, the way I get mad when Jaeger takes my spot in the den or Orfiel shows up late to meetings. It was a different kind of mad, the type that made the blood in my veins feel hot and it took everything I had to attempt to appear as if his words hadn’t cut, to keep my face as if I was merely confused by what he said and not inclined to tear him apart for it. That was a kind of rage no child should have, I know that, young as I am I know that. I see others my age and I see how carefree they are. I see them ready to become healers or warriors or training to be scouts and excited to be a part of something and I wonder what changed in me, what made me want more. Heyel had called it a curse, something within our bloodline we could not breed out no matter how peaceable we attempted to become. He said it was like a need, a need to be more, to have more- that I was like him, like Achilles and Azrael and perhaps even Isola to an extent, that I was dammed to forever want more- that I was never going to be content until I had risen so high I could physically go no higher and that still wouldn’t be enough. Some would say it was greed I suppose but…..I don’t think it is, not truly. I guess it’s ambition- a need to be something or someone if only we’re brave enough to follow through with it. Maybe I would understand later, maybe I need to be older to truly perceive it, I don’t know.

Why I chose to speak to Zelda about it I don’t really know, she was my age I suppose and yet some part of me believed that maybe she was a bit like me, different, she understood to some extent that the world was changing or at least she was willing to believe me when I said it was. Maybe that’s why I shared, maybe I was just tired of keeping everything to myself. I can’t tell the other assassins, it would be….imprudent to ever allow them to know I have doubts or concerns and that sometimes I get so mad I just see red. Children shouldn’t hate- but I do and I suppose telling Zelda relieves it to some extent. I didn’t truly expect her to answer or to offer any response, my red ears twisting towards her as she did, violet eyes seeking her own. Of all the things I was expecting I suppose, talking about darkness wasn’t it. Maybe I had been right to think she understood more then most, my features frowning slightly as she spoke, the look one more of concentration then anything else. Maybe it was nice to know in some fashion she thought that anger normal, though it wasn’t normal for me and I didn’t want it to be. That sort of anger will achieve nothing. I listed as she spoke and finished, silent for a moment in contemplation really before I managed a sigh.

“There are going to be a lot of shadows, you know. I know what I have to do and I know there will be those like Covet who don’t like it, I know they are going to try and stop me, these shadows as you call them and sometimes I feel tired before I even start.”

I think I managed a grin then, a crooked, lopsided look as I chuckled all the same attempting to lighten the mood I suppose, even in a slightly self-depreciating manner.

“He was jealous, Covet. He was jealous of what he didn’t and couldn’t have and I was surprised I suppose- of how far that darkness let him go before it was stopped. It only took him, just one, to do those things but it took more of us to stop it, a group to stop one. I guess I’ll need a little help from my friends.”

I turned my gaze back towards her as we sat, I don’t know what answer I expected, if any, merely letting my gaze rest upon her still though a smile of sorts lingered there. I’d already resigned myself to my fate in this, final words little more then a murmur.

“Those shadows are going to keep coming, aren’t they?”

Like a shroud of twilight.





h y r u l e
The Once and Future King