keep your weapons aimed, push down your fears

MUTE - AMUTAQ & ZETERI - LEVI'S SOUL- NONE TO LOVE - DEKU OF TAVIORA

It felt like lock in syndrome. She hated that she couldn’t express herself fully, tell him everything on her mind. She needed a translator. It was horrible to think the one she was so close to really couldn’t get into how she felt. Only way was for her to keep trying to talk to him as if he were Jinan, and not treat him like every other wolf she ran into where she remained mostly silent and just communicated with nods and other general movements of her body. She needed to open up and try to talk to him, she did so with Levi too. Perhaps it was just another wall she threw up to keep herself from being harmed, but she was doing a pretty bad job of it. They were best friends, and while she knew that maybe that was all he wanted she knew that perhaps it was turning to something more for her. Being able to be that close and open with someone, made the bond all that more special to her, allowed her to connect, but then again she wasn’t doing much of the talking.

She wanted to cling to their friendship if nothing else, ignore the second part entirely as it built up inside her. That had been her plan, to let it go, ignore it even. However his words, his desires it brought up the feelings, she hadn’t said it first… he had. She thought that meant perhaps he felt the same, but perhaps she looked too far into his words. His asking about a family thought it meant he wanted to, but of course she didn't know that maybe he was referring to, well someone else. That he was just opening up to her like a friend would and should.

Her attraction towards him was deeper than just seeing a handsome face, a smile and some antics. She enjoyed all that too, but she learned a long time ago that falling for a pretty face didn’t exactly work out. That was what happened to her parents. Pretty faces, good genes and winter hormones spinning up to one big family train wreck that left Tuari’s family scattered across the winds. She hadn’t seen her mother, father and other two brothers in years. And it wasn’t exactly as if her mom and dad had a functional relationship. She did her best not to repeat their mistakes and fall for the right one, but she didn’t exactly expect that to be Dexter. Not in the past at least. She had Levi after all her radar had been off, they became friends and now she saw the real him and she liked it now that she didn’t shut her brain off to someone else.

Of course winter made it worse. Made her different and edgy and everything else, but the feelings she had towards him she knew were real. She’d been able to blow off males for years after all, never even caring, not until now at least. She just wish she could have kept them buried like she meant too. She didn’t realize her simple gesture of affection would have such a reaction, nor did she fully expect the array of feelings that barraged her.

Yeah, it hurt, but it didn’t mean she wanted to stop whatever it was she had. SHe couldn’t help her reactions, after all they were her only way of talking to him. Even as she tried to speak she wondered if he heard her at all. It was so hard to show tone… that it was okay and she got it… sort of. Really her first thoughts far from anger at him just confusion and really she just wanted to know who this other girl was. For what reason she wasn’t sure yet. To rid herself of the competition No… no she could never do that, not if it meant hurting Dexter back but, she couldn’t deny she was a bit jealous, upset that perhaps she hadn’t put herself out there sooner. She didn't’ blame him… or Talien. It was her fault for this. For not being more open with her growing emotions sooner, perhaps if she had he wouldn’t be in this situation either.

Before she could even try to speak more she felt and saw him tense up, he looked so distraught and she couldn’t figure out why exactly. She should be the one looking this way, instead she just felt sad and pathetic. Yes she hurt, she felt the cold in her chest. All warmth that felt anything like before was gone. He messed up, but not bad enough to make the female lose all her will and fire. She never was one to give up if she wanted something after all. It was what made her an effective hunter. He apologized and before she could even raise a brow in query to understand further he was bolting.

At first she felt she should just let him go… she was wounded, but then again, she wasn’t about to just drop that bomb on her and then not hear her out. She stood up right after he did, her form going into full pursuit as if she was getting ready to take down one of the boars that frequented the forest. She would have been yelling if she had a voice. Coward! He rather say something and run away and leave her hurting alone than at least talk it out! He flicked a switch her sudden hurt, building in her with every moment she had to chase him down anger tipping at her edges. She was broken, she was mute, she wasn’t worth it she knew that. But she wasn’t about to let him take the wimp's way out of dealing with her either!

With one leap as she caught up she knocked him to the ground. She was far from small or petite, it might have been the first time he felt her full force of hunters muscle and power come down on him in such an intimidating fashion. She boxed him over flipping him on his back and she didn’t even notice the tears welling up in her eyes or the fact her teeth were gritted and bared as she put her face in his.

”Don’t run.”

Her breathing was labored, but she still formed the words coherently, though her teeth were still bared looking like she was angry to all hell. There were so many feelings, so many confusing feelings, but he had to hear her, and by running away, he was just like everyone else. Mute girl can’t exactly yell her point to the tail running in the opposite direction. After a few moments of keeping her heavily muscled front on him, certainly he wasn’t going to struggle or run her face softened though the tears, unknowing to her still leaked out. She didn’t know why, she felt so many things, but she thought the worst of it was that he ran from her. Ran from his problem… her. She was his problem. ”I misunderstood. I thought, you liked me. It’s my fault. Sorry.” She wasn’t going to let him run without him knowing the truth. It was her that overstepped right? Her that assumed and got herself hurt. She didn’t know if he could read her lips that well, but if he was going to run it wasn’t like she could mime this. He always seemed to see her, could he not see now that running from her only made it worse?

She took herself off from over him. She said her bit and now she was done. She would go back to letting him run… go back to feeling ashamed that she just broke everything in one fell swoop by assuming. She didn't give a flying tail about this Talien girl… she knew she loved Dexter though, the only other that made her feel this bad was Levi… But that was love though, you got hurt… but he wasn’t worth losing everything for. Her only friend. She looked at him there, smoldering like a bunch of burnt out coals.

She would leave him alone now, if that was what he wanted. She didn’t know what she wanted anymore.

Tuari