At Leisure Lake the sun is always shining and only a few stray clouds roam the open sky; paradise is the one word that really describes it. This beautiful lake is clean and refreshing, the very best place to swim and fish. Pups are known to play here while older wolves watch at the side, engaged in their own activities.
IP: 65.29.75.36
Posted on July 7, 2017 at 11:28:12 PM by Kahlan
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The pack meeting had gone well enough, considering. It had taken me a while to fully recover from the break in my defenses. I must admit that I was... surprised to say the least with how weakened it had left me. The memories brought back the pain of it all, but only strengthened my decision to cut all ties with the past and with emotional attachments. Dealing with Kirastasia will no doubt prove to be troublesome, but I will manage. I just know that I am not willing to live how I did before. I want for nothing right now - my happiness is entirely dependent on my individual choice. I want none of the responsibility - not like back when I was first Moth's and then Cai's Beta. I don't want to have others beneath me, I don't want to have to care for them, lead them, or have anything expected of me. I don't want the responsibility of being a healer either - to have the guilt and pain overwhelm me when one of my patients fails to improve, or when they die altogether. I don't want to be expected to teach students or share my knowledge. I don't want to share any of myself, really. I just want to be left alone. But that cannot be entirely true, can it? Since here I am, once again joining a pack, once again becoming part of something. Perhaps instead of saying I want to be left alone, I should say that I want the option of being alone. I don't want to have tasks to do, packmates to befriend. I care not for the alliances between packs any more and will not chance what I say merely for the benefit of politics. We are a pack species and should stick to our own, but above all we should be honest. That is what I want, and thus that is what I do - I tell the truth exactly as it is now, without a care to how others will respond. I will either be accepted by others or not, and I care not which the outcome is. But I have come to realize that we are also a society of lies - and that we like to lie about even the telling of our lies. We like to think that purposeful omission is anything different, is perhaps even something honorable. 'Oh, I shall withhold this information to make another happy!' The world is not fair and never will be - how is it that some have not come to realize this yet? The truth always comes to light and the sooner, the better. If the damage is to be done eventually, it should be shared as soon as it is known - time will not change the consequences. But no others seem to share this view, so unless such little tales of omission or outright lies come to affect me, I suppose I care not at all. But I do want, I dearly want the tale of my otherself. I was once a healer and yet I cannot explain my bouts of unconsciousness. It would be one thing if it were merely spouts of narcolepsy, but instead it is something more in depth than just that. I travel, I interact with others when I am not myself. I do not know why or how, but can only expect that it has to do with my mental health. I realize that the stoic emotionless shell that I have evolved into is not the healthiest version of myself but it is the one that I chose for myself. Has my mind cracked because of this choice, is it my penance? To not be fully in control of my life or my choices? Perhaps. Perhaps not. I sigh and rise slowly, loathe to leave the den I have dug out for myself. But more than that I already regret having mentioned my healing abilities at all to Milo. But to not have would have been one of those little tales of omission I have already attested to hating. My past abilities needed to be stated upon being accepted, just as I also had to state that I would not use those skills. It had to be understood perfectly that it was not a matter up for discussion. And now... now I suppose it is clear. But still Milo wishes to speak with me about... something. Why could Milo not just be like the last Alpha who granted me admission into a pack - content to allow me to wander silently within the packlands? No... instead she wanted to get to know her packmates and form relationships. Once more I sigh - I am not stupid and knew that this was potentially something that could happen when I asked for admittance. Still... Still... Leisurely, I make my way out of the dark terra that is the place I now call home. Milo's scent is fresh about the boundary and I pause for a second, my bright suns shining down on the ground looking for her paw prints, as until I am further from the boundary I will be unable to differentiate her scent from the boundary from any scent that would make a followable trail. It takes a few moments, but then I find her tracks - smaller, dainty, intertwined delicately with her perfume. It is an easy enough path to follow and so I do. My paws do not fit in her prints - neither size nor stridewise. I am not giant, but neither am I as petite as Milo is. It makes for gentle amusement, though, to see where she chose her paw placement in comparison to where my own fall - nothing of importance, but it is the little things now that I chose to enjoy now. Finally she comes into my vision and a small frown comes to my lips - not because of her but because of the location. I have been here long enough in Blossom FOrest to have memories in most places, in most packs... but this... This place will always be tainted dark for me. I remember too clearly Kenshin's bloodshed, the gruesome murders, the... No. I will not think of him. I shake my head and force a smile to my lips as I near Milo, dipping my head in respect briefly. "You wished to talk to me, Milo?" I pull up before her, lowering my haunches before I carefully curl my tail around my paws. For they tremble, the sand reminding of too many things. Focusing upon them, I force them to still. Force the door shut. I am not her any more. I am not who I used to be any more. I am just me. |
Replies:
- ;;{we can't all be cheerful};; - By Milo July 10, 2017 at 02:07:36 AM
im just a puzzle missing a few pieces - By Kahlan July 10, 2017 at 12:40:23 PM
;;{we can't all be cheerful};; - By Milo July 11, 2017 at 00:09:53 AM
im just a puzzle missing a few pieces - By Kahlan July 14, 2017 at 03:54:36 PM
;;{we can't all be cheerful};; - By Milo July 16, 2017 at 01:30:00 AM
im just a puzzle missing a few pieces - By Kahlan July 19, 2017 at 05:07:55 PM
;;{we can't all be cheerful};; - By Milo July 31, 2017 at 03:36:58 AM
im just a puzzle missing a few pieces - By Kahlan August 1, 2017 at 01:54:30 PM
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