i'll be your protector
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The day faded to night as Cas held the cold body of his dead love. Tears dripped from his cheeks onto Mer’s blood stained fur, but slowly he pulled himself away. Golden orbs stared blankly down at the limp, lifeless body that had once contained all of his heart and soul. Rage, anger, unbridled mania exploded within his chest. Brick after brick of these emotions built a steady wall around his heart, and before long a steady, unblinking, unfeeling gaze stared down at Merlo’s body. Hours wasted away in this state as Castiel dug into the earth, deeper and deeper until the whole of his former love’s body laid completely within. Paw after paw shoveled the soil back into its former place until there was nothing left but a mound of mud. A single tear dripped from Castiel’s orbs and he silently apologized to Merlo, before he turned and left forever.
For weeks after the same bloody nightmare replayed over and over.
Each time he tried to stop and rest, the nightmare came back to haunt the child. He felt so scarred that he brought himself to a conclusion that he ought never to find love again. This thought among others, and that recurrent nightmare pervaded his brain through the weeks that he spent wandering. It wasn’t until he found himself with the confines of a familiar place, a place he had run from because of a different form of love. He had run from his brother, who had found love with another, and Aindreas who was supposed to represent the new form of familial love. But nothing could ever replace a mother or fathers love and yet his own parents and tried to find a replacement for themselves so that they could leave. Leave to go take over a pack that had not meant anything to their family in years, or so it seemed It was an upheaval in their lives in Blossom Forest. After Kalgalath and Sebring had left Castiel had never felt more lost in his life. The only thought that had kept the boy from completely ruining his life or ending it, had been the plan to follow his parents. To think that he could chase after them and return home to happiness and comfort had been foolish, but what was worse was that this to ended in sorrow and again, lost love. Only this time, it hurt on a much deeper level. Castiel’s heart was shattered within the confines of the bricks that had layered around it after Merlo’s death.
But Castiel now found himself back within the confines of Blossom Forest, but something had changed... An ebbing aura flowed over the land, one that reacted violently within the blood stained titan. A sudden hatred and anger boiled up in Castiel and he reached collapsed to the ground howling in rage as he ripped into his own eyes. Blood spattered across his face as he ripped away his own eyesight. And then he found himself lifeless on the ground, voices and languages unknown to him whispered and reverberated through his skull, and though his understood little of it, he seemed to understand it all at once. And as his soul and spirit experienced a drastic change, his lifeless form also seemed to undergo its own change in composition. The blood that had seeped and dyed his fur into shades of black and steely grays, became permanent. Merlo’s blood, his first loves blood had stained and tainted his fur, permanently. The once light ashen boy would remain marked and scarred forever by this trauma; he would live to be his own reminder of that hellish day.
Slowly, darkened lids lifted to reveal, piercing blues. The likeness to that of a clear glassy pool, or the waves that now crashed against his paws and lapped at the darkened layers of his fur, though it no longer washed away. Folds of black weaved into molten grays, creating undulating waves across his pelt. There remained thickets of blackness along his shoulders and his neck from where the blood had seeped into his pelt. There still remained a crest along his chest, that remained purely white from the coat he was given at birth and a small portion of it draped down the length of his forelegs. The world seemed brighter, more vibrant, but deep within his chest there remained the unrelenting anger. It was buried now though, and Castiel felt himself under control and the blankness had started to set back in and the enclosed walls around his heart tightened. Reminding him that there was no hope, not now and maybe forever.
Castiel did not move from his position but instead continued to let the water lap at his body, to feel at a partial cleanse from his journey. He looked around him recognizing the beach that had once been the shores of a lake but now butted up to the expansive, endless ocean. Salt granules deposited over his skin, a few cuts and scrapes from the buck, burned at the touch of waves, but Castiel merely sighed at the pain. He did not want to seek out his brother, Cas was sure that he had been long forgotten and maybe he might now be slightly unrecognizable. Or rather he hoped he was.
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i'll be your guardian angel
~ Castiel ~ Brother to Vladimir ~ Kalgalath x Sebring ~ Purposeless ~ Alesana ~
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