The Change is always jarring at first. It digs a pit in Han’s stomach and nestles there like a wriggling worm, but its power over Them is limited. Soon They feel the veil of the Change lifting, and Their grief lessening. Soon it is as though They have always been this way. Their tears cease flowing and evaporate under the intense heat, leaving not so much as a streak upon Han’s sooty cheek to suggest they had ever been there.
As the veil of the Change lifts, Han’s perception of reality clears. They begin to see their surroundings and their situation as they really are. They feel the prickle of sweat upon their skin. They see the fat, lazy flies swarming above the surface of the water.
They realize they are utterly alone. This alien landscape is deserted; nothing remains of the home and herd that their mother had left behind. There are no hoof prints; no scents; no tufts of hair caught on the grass; no droppings littered around. There is nothing.
Han bites their lip and contemplates their options. The initial anxiety of their parting with Evren has faded, leaving only a residual discomfort behind. If they wanted to, they could probably follow her now. But would that be wise? What if Evren has changed her mind, and is on her way back right now? Will she even want to stay when she sees no trace of her family left?
The real question is, what does Han want? Almost their whole short life they have been on the move; they don’t know anything else. Even if Evren returned, would Han want to stay? Could they cope with living in this barren, hostile wasteland with nothing to do? Han doesn’t mind being alone, doesn’t mind change - even craves it as long as it is in their control - but the desert is so different, and Evren’s decision had been sprung on them so suddenly. It would be hard to live here, they see now. How did their mother do it all those years ago?
Han could take a look around and make sure they are truly alone, but they are doubtful. If anyone still remains in a place like this, they won’t be too far from a source of fresh water. If there is anyone here, Han would know by now.
The worst of the afternoon heat has dissipated by the time Han stands. The blue sky is cloudless, as empty as the landscape below it. Han samples a few of the strange bushes clustered around the oasis and, though they are starving, finds none of them are to their liking.
Frustration brings tears to their eyes again. They watch them fall onto the warm sand below and evaporate almost immediately.
Their chest aches with the decisions that wrestle within. They wish their mother was here to pick one for them.
1; mutt; sooty buckskin; 16.2hh wfg
|
|