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I've been wondering how she's holding up. I can't stop thinking about her and my soul aches for her. I'm happy with Kiska but it's an empty happiness. It's one I will decide to stay with every day of my life but I can't keep breathing without seeing Natalya every so often. She's the drug I have to get a fix on because withdrawal is out of the question. Without her, I die. I hear that she's gone back to her dark days, to being an assassin. In a way, I'm proud of her for doing something I know she loved doing. She was a born assassin, just like me. She lived and breathed killing at one time in her life and now she's gone back to her roots. I'm sure I had something to do with this. I'm not saying everything she does is about me but we didn't have a good parting. We had a huge fight because she wanted me to leave Kiska and I refused. I understand why she would want that, I just can't give it to her. My soul yearns to be with hers just as hers does. She only wanted the pain to stop and I don't blame her. I would like nothing better but I can't lose Kiska, not after how far we've come, not after all we've been through together. I forget about the pain of our parting when her sweet intoxicating perfume fills my nose. I look up, head snapping to attention, ears pricked as my golden gaze locks on her approaching silver form. She has a fawn dangling from her jaws, a fresh kill from the looks of it but hunger for food is the last thing on my mind. My only hunger is for her soul. I watch her intensely as if just watching will make her appear where I can reach her. She drops the fawn, her gaze just as intense as she glides over to me. She rubs up against my fur and my soul rejoices from the contact. I lean into her embrace, a low murmur of pleasure slipping past my charcoal lips as she rubs her scent on me. She looks at my face as if trying to make sure I'm okay and then she lifts her head, adding her song to my own. It mixes in perfectly as I knew it would, the perfect soprano to my baritone tune. I can tell that she's struggling in her song just as much as I was when I sang it. She sounds as if she's in pain now, a perfect reflection of how I've been feeling before she got here. She presses into me, needing the comfort of touch just as much as I do. I can't bring myself to pull away from her, not even when images of Kiska's disapproving face appear in my vision. I shake them away and press deeper into Natalya's fur, inhaling her perfume like it's the last thing I'll ever smell. Natalya...I have missed you. It's all I can think of to say right now. I know I should be talking about the weather or her fawn or something, anything other than emotions but not right now. Right now all I can think about is how I never want to lose her. |