Amir
”There is no victory with no loss.”
Dead memories of a Legend
Chapter I The life of Voltaire
I start to tell him everything. Like I used to do such a long time ago when these lands were so different. Sometimes I think he doesn’t find it very nice. Yet… I have told nobody about my feelings. Who could I tell? Bluejay has disappeared. Gecko too. Uno doesn’t deserve to see his own father so broken.
- The right thing? No…- I shake my head, refusing to believe - I… I am not angry at her anymore, but still. You weren’t doing it to hurt anyone! What about Voltaire? He is still there. And I am the one training him again. He had changed so much. And he. Vague! Had done it! He tried to take lives!
I reminded him. Voltaire is still there. Today he is a valuable member of our pack. Nearly ready to assume position as a warrior. The next thing I tell him, he doesn’t like to hear. I tell him that I had offered myself in his place. He needed to know. I pin my ears back against my head as he growls.
- I know. And I am sorry… I just wanted to keep any other wolf from feeling what I felt once. Especially someone so important. Because I know how it is to be forced to leave.
He knows what I am talking about. It is clear as day. Never to be forgotten. My right eye, still marked with the scar from Devil’s own claw. I had been banished myself. For mistakes I dare not to remember. It wrecked my world. It hurt so deeply and at that time, I had no children. If it had been so terrible for me. I can imagine how it is for Devil, who has family, children.
I proceed to tell him what has happened. He tells me that I did nothing wrong. It somehow helps. To know that at least.. I have done nothing wrong. Then he explains to me that his leaving had nothing to do with me. That he did it to himself. I whine at his words. I still wonder. If I had done something. If everything could perhaps be different. And finally as my strength starts to give in and my form starts trembling, trying to keep me standing. While it seems everything around me keeps trying to make me fall… Devil walks towards me, letting a whine escape his lips and actually reaching up for me, wrapping his neck around mine protectively. In silence, I stay in place, like a small pup. My eyes close and I just stay there. Still trembling. Trying my hardest to stop, to control this… But I cannot.
I know how he must think that this is ridiculous. I shouldn’t be like this.
Every wolf has a breaking point and mine has been reached a long time ago. And with every day I keep trying to pretend that I am alright, it makes me feel worse and worse. What will they say? When they see me, acting as nothing happened after losing both lover and my only daughter. The cold hearted avenging angel. The wolf who doesn’t feel a thing for his family. Yet. If I show how broken I am. I am afraid of losing once more. Losing my place in the pack that I fought for. And it took me so long to reach it.
He whisper in my ear. He tells me that must keep going. He tells me that for every sense I lose, the others grow. I start to make connections. It somehow is true that I can focus so much more easily in watching over the pack and my ears are so sensitive, that if I concentrate enough and they are a certain distance, I can hear what they are saying.
- But how? I try to be strong, but I… I don’t know…
Slowly, my form stops shaking.
13 Years old | Diveen's Avenging Angel | Forever Bluejay's lover
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