With her eyes on her hooves, Asphara once again felt her train of thought shift. She had Rosaliana, but that was it. Her daughter from Romaro had a lovely stallion to call father and she had a herd that would protect her. The goal in her womb would have a herd to protect her for she wouldn't keep them from their father. The ridge was a family, but she felt like the black sheep among them. She was new, she was different, and she was alone. That thought in itself had the chestnut mare squinting her eyes shut as once again she held back tears thanks to her own mind.
Shivering faintly, Asphara did not realize that the stallion stuck out his nose for her to exchange breaths until she felt the warmth against her cheek. Lifting her head and opening her eyes, the mare returned the gesture gently. He was kind and he was sweet, but she held this gut feeling that Tyr would not be happy if she were to bring this stallion to the ridge to get to know him better. She had run for so long and now she was still running as her scarred up body hid under the dusting of snow upon her back. Polar had not seen all of her and for that, she was currently grateful. He could in her mind look at her in disdain if he saw the fire scars marking her back, hips, and down past her hocks.
Hearing his question, the mare tilted her head then. Why did she fret? That was a hard question to answer and it had her ears swiveling against the soft wind as she tried to fully grasp an answer to that question. There was so much she could say, but she didn't want to run him off with her life story. Asphara knew deep down she fretted because she knew in her heart she would never get the love she saw in her mother and father before they passed away in that forest fire years ago. She wanted that connection, but she knew after running away from Romaro with never telling him why she wouldn't ever deserve it.
“I fret because I saddled the territory leader with a pregnant mare and a child that was not his. I joined them and was a mark against the faithfulness that horses are supposed to have.” Those words were Aspharas thoughts and she conveyed that with how she shook her head and spoke again. “I believe I'm not meant there and they have known. I was lucky Tyr accepted me, but I don't feel as if anyone has. I haven't spoken to a single member since my daughter Rosaliana was born six months ago.” There, she winced as she spoke of her daughter. It was a blemish against her to be acting like a hormonal mare during the fall. Come spring next year, Asphara would have two foals with two different fathers and that in itself made her feel inadequate as a mare deserving love.
“I…. I don't deserve what everyone else has.”
ASPHARA
mare | 15.3hhs | chestnut | of the ridge
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