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The emptiness inside of me is slowly killing me. I yearn for Natalya like my next breath of fresh air. I feel like I'm slowly suffocating without her. I nuzzle Kiska one last time, leaving her at our new den in Diveen before I move away from the pack lands, going over the invisible line that Kane and Isola have been working studiously on. They will make good leaders, this, I am sure of. Isola is kind and gentle, logical, and Kane is head over heels for her and has my patience and his mother's free thinking. He is the perfect balance of us, just as all my children are perfect. I look back only once, looking at our den imagining Kiska in it, probably curled around the sleeping forms of Durga and Kali. They've grown so much in two years. They're lean and awkward, with paws that are too big and imaginations that are endless. They are growing up so big and strong. They will be warriors just like their mother. The travel away from Diveen is a good time to think of all that's happened. I'm no longer a king. It's still something to get used to. I got so used to the responsiblities but I know that they were wearing me thin. I need this time with my family but at the same time I miss my extended family from Paracon. Calix, Pollux, Risk, Cordova, Vendetta, Zeteri, Niviaq, Bluejay, Lita, Perseus, Sulan, Fathom, Capone, Iskra, Bastet, Ifrit, Alyeska, Vulcan....either lost for good or moved on to other packs. I can't blame the ones who have moved on. Risk is going to be something great. He's loyal and a good warrior. I could trust him for anything. I'd already trusted him with the lives of my imprint and children. He never let me down, not once. Risk is going to do great things. He's going to be great. Bluejay is back with Amir. I wonder if she'll come to Diveen just to be with him since I managed to get him into the pack as the Omega. Sulan was trying to start up a pack of his own. I wish him the best of luck in this. Zeteri is around but she's not sure what she wants to do now. She's so different. All the rest...gone in a second. I wish I could have saved them all. I'll live with the weight of that forever but nothing weighs on me more than the yearning for my imprint. I go to the mideastern crater, following the smell of water and sand. I go down to the shore, taking a drink from the lake before I go back up toward the grassy field. My heart wrenches in my throat and I have to stop, throwing my head back. A moaning sound escapes my throat before I find the strength to howl. Once I do, the howl is strained and full of pain. It calls her name over and over again. Natalya, Natalya, I need you, Natalya. She may hate me and that's okay. She may wish me and Kiska dead. That doesn't mean I need her any less. |