Obsessively, I check every tree and leaf as I go through. The field is wide open before me but I'm hesitant to enter. I've never been a hesitant wolf, not until a few months ago. I left Moladian for a reason, to get away. My new mate and first batch of children are dead, lost to me forever. I will never get that back. I never really loved their mother but I kept telling myself that I would grow to feel something for her because we shared life. I've never had children before but it did change me, in a way. Now it only tortures me. Most importantly, I've lost Rose twice now. I found her first here, in Moladian, when it was different. She was my drink of water after days in a desert, my breath of fresh air after being in a mine. And then she was gone. I had resigned myself to my fate with Kyou's best friend, telling myself I would win my imprint in the end, no matter if she had a mate or not. I always get what I want. It's just the way it's always been.
And then the storm happened and everything went down the drain. I lost my children. I lost my mate. I felt the ripping in my soul to tell me Kyou was also gone. I had failed her. I stood over the dead bodies of my family for two days before I could find the motivation to move. I didn't cry, I didn't shout out, I just sat there and stared at their bodies, their useless burning corpses. I felt numb, blank, dead to the world. I should have died with them. It's what I kept telling myself. I had no purpose, not anymore. And so I left Moladian. I drained a few wolves, took out my anger, did what vikings do. We don't wallow in self pity and feel sorry for ourselves. We have too much pride for that shit. Instead we do what we do best: fight, kill, destroy. I pillaged a few smaller packs, took out the alpha and ranked wolves and then went in for the females. I raped the females and left them to cry in self loathing. Usually I'd kill the children too but something had changed and I couldn't do it. I couldn't touch the children. I brushed it off and kept moving.
I found Rose again in another land and it was like feeling that first cool fall breeze after a dry hot summer. She healed me. She rejuvenated me and after a heated discussion, I finally told her about my family. She had the audacity to think I'd just up and left them. Once we got that straightened out, she became my mate and everything was starting to fall back into place. And then everything went down hill. I got wind that my maker was captured, that he was to be killed for what he was, what he did. A pack had caught him feeding on one of theirs and they wanted revenge but they didn't want to simply kill him. They wanted to make an example out of him, to torture him and make a ritual out of it. I left without a word to Rose. How could I explain that to her? She doesn't know what I am, what I do. If it's up to me, she never will. I know she could never love me knowing what I am. She could never love a monster. And so I left to free my maker but things didn't go as planned. When I rampaged through the pack, killing everyone in sight, I found him bathed in his own blood, slowly dying right before my eyes. I offered him my blood, offering him healing, but he turned me down. Said it was his time and he wanted to die. I couldn't understand. I begged him, pleaded with him to fight for this, to fight for life but he wouldn't have it. He died right before my eyes.
I made a ritual out of that pack. I tore off all their heads and put them on sticks and branches and tree limbs all around the place my maker died. I took their bottom jaws off and threw them in the river. I scattered their body parts all around my maker, making a spiraling circle of limbs and extremities that led to his body. Any of my kind would know the message written here. Revenge. And that's the way I left it. I felt numb once more, ready to start over as only my kind can. I came back for Rose but she was gone. I looked for her all over and couldn't find her. I tore through that land with a vengeance, killing any who got in my way and then I left. I didn't know where I would go so I let my feet do the walking and when I looked up, I found myself back in Moladian, but it was different. The land was healing after the big storm. Green was everywhere and I could smell wolves. They had returned. I didn't know if there would be anyone I'd recognize. Jaye or that alpha of the cavern. I didn't smell any of them so I figure they perished in the storm. I decided to stick around for a while, if only to look for traces of Rose some more.
And now I find myself in the fields once more. They remind me almost of the field that I first saw her in. It was a bright starry night and she dazzled like a fallen star herself. She stood out even in the whitest snow. I close my eyes briefly, reliving the memory but the thought is broken when I reopen my eyes and no one's there. Sighing, I collapse into the grass, inhaling the sickening cologne of winter. My body is on full alert, hormones raging but I feel no need to spread my seed, not this season. What's the rush? I've got a whole lifetime.
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əric
so just bite me baby
and drink all my blood
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