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I can see that Amir is hurting. He seems to be walking on thin ice here, a nervous wreck. Did I do this to him? Did my leaving drive him to this? I certainly hope not. I whine just thinking about it. I try to explain it all to him. I don't see how it will help but I tell him anyway cause he deserves to know. When he finally speaks, he tells me that it does help that I told him. My ears flicker uncertainly. He apologize for my loss and I realize he's talking about Natalya. I tilt my head. I didn't know that he didn't know about her death. I slowly dip my head. "Thank you..." I murmur. As he sits, I look back up at him. His pleading words have my eyes snapping to his. He needs me? But why? Why now? He's all grown up. He's training other wolves now. Why would he need me? Finally he starts speaking again and tells me that I'm not the only reason. For some reason, this gives me great relief. He tells me that he was angry at Isola for banishing me, that he was angry at himself for not helping. I shake my head. "There's nothing you could have done. Isola did the right thing. I was a danger to the pack. I didn't need to be there." He tells me that he wanted to be in my place, that Isola wouldn't let him and I take a step back. He offered himself up in my place? I actually growl a little. "You shouldn't have done that, Amir. That was my punishment to take, not yours. You can't always protect me. You have too many others to protect." He'll know what I'm talking about. Uno, the pack. They depend on him. He has to think about them. My features soften as he talks about losing Bluejay. This, I didn't know. Gecko, too. When he gets to the end, my ears flatten and my heart aches for him. He can't smell anymore. It must be devastating to lose your sense of smell. I shake my head. "You did nothing wrong, Amir. I can't tell you what happened to them, why they left, but my leaving had nothing to do with you. I did this to myself." He starts trembling and I take a step toward him, a whine falling from my lips, wishing I knew how to comfort him. Before I know it, I'm walking to him, curling my neck protectively around his and pulling him into an embrace like he's a puppy again. Somehow, it seems like the right thing to do. I close my eyes briefly. I can't remember the last time I've embraced anyone, let alone a male. Yet this is Amir, he is like a son to me. I whisper, knowing he can hear me. "You keep going, Amir. That's what you do. You stay strong for everyone and you keep going. You are not weak because of your loss. You are strong because of it. For every sense you lose, your other senses grow ten times. Your hearing, your touch, your sight. These things will help you keep going but you must keep going for the ones who depend on you." DMC_male_twenty years_no mate_imprinted on |