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and if i need to rearrange my particles, i will for you Posted on March 6, 2024 at 11:48:51 PM by Aura
Aura
I feel his lips brush across my skin. As he brushes away the strands of my mane, I settle into him, wishing somehow I could gain some of his strength. Some of the sureness in the stallion that convinced him to keep going, because I had none. When the warmth of his breath on my neck comes again, it provides a soothing sensation. I let the thought of just how close we are rest in the very back of my brain where it mattered very little.
“I’m sorry, Aura.” My lips tremble, and tears obscure my vision until they drip down my cheeks once more. The cool feel of them makes me too aware of everything. “Some day, if you’d like, I’d love for you to tell me all about her.” I think about this for a few minutes, though it felt like much longer. In the interim, I sniffed and leaned into Castillon's warm embrace deeper still somehow. It is a softer movement than the one of my breakdown just a few minutes ago. The subtle shift of my body doesn't hold the same weight as that grief-stricken desperation for something solid. I want the warmth of him to seep into my bones and heal the parts of me that fell off that cliff two years ago when my parents died. I want to fade so deeply into him that I finally disappear.
My voice creaks out again, a trembling sound against the crashing waves not too far away. "She was my best friend. . . and she saved me." The air rushes from my lungs at this fresh wave of grief. My throat tightens hard enough that I have to gasp for air. That intake of air tightened my disused vocal cords in a way that makes my voice louder and more desperate sounding than I would have intended it to be for this. "It should have been me, Castillon," I cried. "It's all my fault, and now they're gone."
I yank my head away from him then rather clumsily, blinded by the saltwater in my eyes. Blearily I look at this buckskin stallion who has tried to comfort me, this near-stranger who took the time to hold me while knowing next to nothing about me. I look at Castillon, bare my soul to him, and say the thought that has pained me since the last rocks fell. "H-how," I choke, the words strangling me, "how am I supposed to keep going without them?"