as I wandered the forest, the green leaves among, i heard a wild flower singing a songself preservation, as it must be in all creatures, was one instinct that kept her withered tether to reality and the present alive. it helped her to care. and as she regards the pale stallion and listens to his words she feels a sudden wash of stupidity stun her…she has never thought herself stupid before so this catches her utterly off guard. she had felt betrayed and endangered by jabari’s recklessness and even shamwari’s at one point…for conducting raids and getting into unnecessary trouble..for crossing the notoriously vicious leaders of other herds and lands…but here she was, just under warsaw’s nose, thinking she would be able to pass through on a whim because of an old friendship she had with his lead mare. where was her head? what kind of hypocrite was she…. the least she can hope for at this point is that neither shamwari or jabari would feel responsible for her safety… that they wouldn’t endanger themselves for her sake. despite their estrangement she cares deeply still. that is perhaps where the burst of shame comes from… guilt… for leaving the prairie, the twins, shamwari who had defended her, and jabari who loved her…. lately though she was accustomed to guilt… her love for jabari would always be colored by it. her friendship with shamwai ruined over it… and she can feel it now, threatening her, making her wonder if wanting to see vita nova is purely selfish… she peels her blue eyes away from the empty horizon, a vast tundra, where they had rested while he spoke and trains them back to the pale stallions face. he is nervous himself and she tries to ignore it. she doesnt want him to feel vulnerable in front of her. if he knew how broken she was perhaps he wouldn’t worry about trying so hard to speak coolly. she wasn’t worth it. as his kindness becomes apparent she thinks of how lucky she is that she had come ashore here rather than the inlet. the heavens had been watching over her for some reason. she shifts her body, trying to loosen some of the ugly coils that have her feeling ready to spring away at the sight of the large grey stallion lurking just next door. she didn’t want to repay his goodwill by appearing like she thought he would behave in the same manner as his neighbor… with a gentle nod she agrees to his plan. i am thankful you would do this for me…. i must not have been thinking clearly when i set out on this mission but i’m sure you are right. it may be better for me to avoid warsaw. she wonders at his kindness..she has done nothing to earn the favor, nor does she see any reason to believe that he has an ulterior motive. surely he must be friends of some sort to warsaw…a thought crosses her mind and she wastes no time speaking it, hoping that that he understands. i have nothing to offer in return… and i do not wish to cause trouble for you or to put you at risk. or vita nova for that matter… she finally lowers her gaze… hoping her directness doesn’t offend. p e t a lmare : 5 : perlino dun : arabian mustang mutt : 13.3 : kafkaesque |