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He seems so curious, so full of questions. He looks worried about me but I'm the last one he should be worried about. As it is, I don't know if it's so wise for him to be out here talking to me. What if th epack gets mad when he returns with my scent? What if they threaten to exile him too. I know that would kill Amir after all he's worked for. I could never forgive myself for getting him punished as well. There are a lot of things I don't forgive myself for now. He stares at me for the longest time as if he doesn't know where to start. I remember when he used to always have so much to talk about. Now he goes silent? I just wish I knew what he was thinking. Is he disappointed in me? Is he mad that I hurt someone? He seems worried the minute I react to his words, like he's worried about hurting me. I deserve every mean word thrown my way. Finally he does speak and it's the last thing I want to talk about. I stare at him for a minute before I sigh in defeat, knowing he must have answers. I didn't like talking about it with Uno and I don't like talking about it now but Amir deserves to know. I shake my head slowly as I look at my paws. "I..lost my head. Natalya had just...died...and my mind couldn't wrap around it just yet. I was in shock, in pain. My imprint bond severed in an instant and it left me feeling...crazy. I couldn't think straight. When she came...I thought it was Kiska. Somehow my broken mind put her image in my head instead of the wolf that was really standing there and I lost it. I don't know how else to explain it. I was so broken and twisted with grief that I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't want her to leave me again and I hurt an innocent wolf. I hurt my own family, my own blood." I take a deep breath before finally lifting my gaze to his. "And there it is. I don't know if that helps you out any with your take on everything but that's what happened. I'm not a wolf to be grieved, Amir. I'm a wolf to be avoided, exiled...hunted." I think back to the looks on the faces of Stella and Eden. I know they'll come after some day. I can see that Amir is crying and it tears me up inside. I whine softly as he looks away. DMC_male_twenty years_no mate_imprinted on |