twelve - no heart - no soul - Spirane
this is her in blackouts

Time had flown and her blackouts had become less frequent. It did nothing, however, to assuage the guilt that was buried deep within her chest. Almost a year had passed since Lillith's attack on Natu and the scars on her shoulders and around her temple were well healed now; all that was left was the emotional damage caused by the blackouts from such an attack. What she had done was not much better. She couldn't even forgive herself despite the fact that she knew naught what happened during her blackouts. No memory ever surfaced of her times spent wandering Moladion. Nor the fact that Sven, the child she had apparently abducted and kept - one who she had grown to love fiercely - had said she had killed a pup. A child! Nothing could ever wipe the stain of that from her soul. It was only made worse by the fact that she could not remember this child. It felt wrong somehow to know she had killed, to regret such actions, and yet have no memory to torment herself with.

It seemed as if Sven had almost accepted his lot in life. She hadn't wanted to keep the pup there against his will but she also hadn't known what to do with him. He did not know where he came from and it was unsafe to leave a child alone in the woods - clearly there were wolves out there who would harm them. Wolves like her. To ask questions about a missing pup might lead to her own demise. She was not a fool to think that a parent would so easily forgive her transgressions. Ah but she had wept and prayed and hoped for a change. Nothing could bring that pup back and no matter how she looked at the situation it was gnarled and twisted but still she had grown to love this child.

The coming of spring was right around the corner. She could feel it in the lengthening of the days and the sighing of the wind. The world would be happy once more except it brought with it her own worries. Sven was old enough to travel alone. Would he find his way back to his real home? Would she finally face the consequences? Shaking away such worries Natu had bolted from Spirane. There was nothing like the feel of earth beneath her paws and wind sluicing through her fur. She had not lost her wanderers spirit even if she had lost everything else.

The woods whip by her until the ground vibrates beneath her paws and her alabaster figure comes to a sliding halt just short of being run down by the racing herd of elk. The whites of their eyes gleam and they call desperately to one another, spooked once more as they catch sight of the female. It is tempting to chase them down. The meat will be tender, she knows, and so much better than the lean hare's she has feasted on this winter. But it would also be foolish to dive towards such strong hooves alone.

Only she is not alone. Icy blue eyes catch sight of the winded male seated amongst the trees from whence the creatures had come. If he had kept going and she had kept running perhaps they would have headed on a collision course. If she can see him then most certainly he can see her but Natu does not approach the reddish figure. The friendly creature that she once was has been replaced by a wolf more prone to wariness and aggression at strangers. So for now she simply stands and watches him with suspicious eyes and scenting the air.